Carers leave

FormerMember over 4 years ago

2 replies
38 subscribers
838 views

Hi everyone,

a big virtual HUG and massive shout of a swear word - for how rubbish cancer is for those who have to suffer and endure it - and for those who care and witness the pain of it.

I'm currently trying to care for my mum who has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and work full-time, as well as live 1.5 hours away from her. I'm lucky to work from home on a Friday so can go to see her thurs-sunday and care/be around but I'm wondering if anyone has taken carers leave? or how they managed while working and living away? I wonder if I can get signed off at the GP but don't feel I'm ready for that yet as find work a good distraction, plus there is no one to cover my workload so worry id get a massive backlog when get back.

It's so difficult trying to be strong all the time and exhausting trying to meet mum's needs and your own. Sometimes the balance is not there. But I'm glad I do have time with her as when I'm near her I feel better and more myself as feel this is the right thing to do. As I want to know I gave her my all. As she has always given to me. And I want to make more memories and enjoy her company while I can. This is causing me to reflect on life a lot and I'm feeling very grateful for my mum and how she made me strong. But is is also very painful to witness her slowly withdrawing from the world.

thanks for listening and reading. I hope someone can relate to this and please provide experiences of caring for a parent/loved one generally too if that is ok.

Jessie x x x

src60 over 4 years ago

Hi Jessie,

Carers leave depends very much on people's employment contract but often is little more than a day to two to help get care set up. I wonder if you might be thinking of something more like a sabbatical - a break away from your workplace for weeks or months. In terms of sick leave it can depend on your GP but it can depend on the impact on you and your mental health rather than looking after your mum.

I can certainly relate to your point about work being a good distraction; it can feel the only place left where the world is normal and we can get lost in a familiar safe role. Providing your workplace is happy with that it can be good but sometimes if there is a problem there is can seem overwhelming too.

It might help to look through Looking after someone with cancer and also possibly contact carers uk who might be able to provide some support if you do decide to take on the care role.

One other thought in this - what does your mum want - if it were a choice between your work and caring for her what would she pick.

<<hugs>>

Steve

sad.com over 4 years ago

Hi Jessie,

No one can ever prepare you for dealing with cancer, watching a loved one in pain without you being able to help in any way is the worse feeling in the world.

My husband has stage 2 pancreatic cancer, he's just come home after his second surgery where they had to remove 50% of his liver as his cancer had spread from the pancreas to the liver.

I completely get how you are feeling, I'm in a similar situation. My employer has given me the flexibility to work from home which has really helped, however like you some days I go into work for some distraction and to speak to other people. I was also offered leave, however I haven't taken this as I need to keep myself busy with something other than the cancer. However, this isn't always easy as sometimes my husband needs a lot of support and it does get very tiring, especially when it's throughout the night. Lots of friends have offered to help and sit with him if I need to go anywhere or do something, but I just can't do that as I feel I should be the one looking after him.

I think it's really hard finding a balance but you do need to try and look after yourself too as, again is much easier said than done.

Lots of huge xxx

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