Nearing the end?

I am so sorry to read about the situation. It is fortunate that you are leaving nearby so you can get there whenever you are needed - like early this morning. This is a very traumatic time for you all. As for your dad's pain, when he says it is at 23, this sounds like he is in a lot of pain right now. Would you be able to ring his GP or the district nurses and let them know? 10 mg patches aren't much at all and I am sure the medication can be adjusted so that your dad would be in less pain. Also, you say he has fallen a number of times; would it be possible to think about getting help from the McMillan nurses or even care nurses who could come in, I think there are even respite nurses who would stay the night in the house with your parents, just in case anything happens? As for whether this is nearing the end, it's so difficult to say isn't it? The fact that he hasn't eaten in a week and seems to be getting worse could make us think he is, but then again it may be the pain that makes him feel so awful that he just doesn't have any interest in food or drink. I guess I am just wondering if there is any help your parents could get? Maybe even a Doula may be helpful at this point. You can contact End Of Life Doula UK and request one. Best wishes, Mel.

Thanks for responding. He has been given allsorts of pain relief but is not one for taking tablets or even the oraphorf, it took me a while to convince him to try the patches and after phoning the doctor myself he was given a script for 5mg to start off with 2 weeks ago because he was not using the painkillers already prescribed, the doctor managed to speak to him this week and prescribed the 10mg. Im not sure how it works and im presuming it gets gradually increased. He wont have any nurses or even the doctor call in even though it has all been offered and i understand while he still has mental capacity it his choice which is so frustrating for our family. He has cancer (stage 4) in the mouth which has spread to his jaw and they gave him radiotherapy but when i went with him to see the consultant as a follow up appointment i asked if we get any further treatment they said no and to be honest i don't think he would cope with any the way he is. Im probably overthinking but it really doesn't look good for him.

Doris, I don't think you are over-thinking things. It is natural that your mind would go to all sorts of places. It is such an uncertain time.

It is a pity that he is so reluctant to taking medication. With palliative care - all the modern medication we have to day - we can make patients so comfortable and keep their quality of life for so much longer. I mean, what's the point in being in pain? But I suppose ultimately it is his decision.

Would you be able to do something to help your mum? Could you take her out for a little drive or a little walk while somebody else is with your dad? I am just suggesting that because you say that you are worried about her.

Love, Mel.