Husband diagnosed struggling

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Hi, my husband was diagnosed beginning mid Feb ‘21 and I am reeling. Cried non stop first week and now feel like I’m stumbling around in a nightmare. He seems to be deteriorating and I’m so scared. Early days but have no idea how fast this will go. Feel utterly hollowed out.

  • Hi Suzi, sending you the biggest hug in the world. It is absolutely terrifying I know. Your head, heart and world are just reeling in a living nightmare. That’s how I felt anyway. Pretty much exactly the same as you. It doesn’t get easier, but hopefully your head will get to where it needs to be so that you can cope. My husband was diagnosed last August and I have no idea whether he will make it through this and I’m terrified out of my mind about losing him and life without him. How would I breathe, live, function...? 


    I've only been on here two days, but everyone is just amazingly supportive and caring and for me it helps enormously just to know that I’m not alone. You’ve taken the step of joining this community long before I did, and I have no doubt you’ll find it helps even if just a little.

    xx

  • Hi Suzi, So sorry to read of your husbands diagnosis and I can identify with and recall those feelings you are now having. Bless you my heart goes out to you as I recall the rollercoaster of emotions when our journey started and thus continues. However we are on a more steady ride at the moment and have been for a few years now. I am four years down the line to my husbands diagnosis of which we were informed from the start it was incurable however he is still here and has exceeded medical expectations. We have had many lows specifically over the first two years. At one stage 9 months on from his initial diagnosis and start of treatment he was only given 3 months, we are 3 years from that stage now. He was started on another treatment we didnt expect and it worked better than any of us could of hoped for. It got him to a stage of stability with a reasonably good quality of life and has given us more time. You will have good days and bad days as I'm sure you are already aware, I obviously wish you more good days than bad. It can be a lonely ride to be on having your husband diagnosed with cancer as they spend so much time asleep and unwell but I always found this site a source of support and company. Good luck to you and your husband, wishing you all the best and of course your husband all the best with his treatment.

  • Hi Suzi

    so sorry to hear about your husband.  I get it. It's terrifying! It's overwhelming. And all  the fears and tears are normal. We've all been there so you're not alone around here.

    Everyone's experience and story is different but now that you've reached out know that you're not alone and we're here to listen and offer virtual hugs and kleenex.

    My husband got a terminal diagnosis last Sept so we're going through a rollercoaster of emotions.

    love n hugs

    Wee Me  xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Hi Bim, thank you for your kind words. It seems we are roughly at the same stage of this nightmare. What started out as stomach pains for my husband last October, quickly progressed into a diabetes diagnosis. A small and brief spell of relief that he was ‘diagnosed’ and easily treated soon turned into more tests and the bolt out of the blue of pancreatic cancer. I still can’t get my head around it. I’m stunned. Doesn’t seem real. He’s declining day by day but then I see other posts that show people years down the road with it! It’s all very confusing and overwhelming. I just want you to know that I know EXACTLY what you’re going through and anytime you need to talk, I’m here.

  • Hi! Wow! 4  years down the line! How do you cope? I’m an absolute mess after 2 months! I read all sorts of things on the internet and fear he could only have months...

  • Hi Wee Me, thanks for your kind words. So sorry to hear your husband’s diagnosis too. How do you cope? I feel I’m in a limbo existence, and I always have needed to know what’s happening and what the plan is in life. That’s all been thrown up in the air and I’m not at all sure how to get through each day. 

  • Hi Suzi,

    My husband has bowel cancer and the GP was insistent that he was constipated!  It took 2 months after that to find out what the real problem was, and at that point he was rushed in for emergency surgery.  I will never forget the day we heard the word 'cancer' and can totally relate to what you say about it not seeming real.  I have often described it as living in a nightmare that you just don't wake up from and don't know when or how it will end. 

    I still can't see beyond today and I'm actively not allowing my head to go there because I think it would paralyse me and I wouldn't be able to function.  I'm just focussing on right now and making sure he's as comfortable as he can be.. to make him smile if I can and to make sure he knows always how much I love him.  He does make me laugh sometimes as he can get away with murder now.  I can't get cross with him and he knows it!  We are closer now than we have ever been in our lives together which is another reason I can't let my head go anywhere near the thought of him not being around any more.  I will cross that bridge as and when...

    Please know that I'm here for you too any time you want to chat.  As Wee Me said - everyone on here will understand completely how you are feeling.  You are not alone and this group seems to be overflowing with love and care for other members which is just wonderful.

    Take care x

  • Hi Suzi, I wanted to send you a big hug too. My husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in October and despite his best efforts to fight this with two different types of Chemo his tumour has grown and he has taken the brave decision last week to stop chemo as it has made him very unwell and he was admitted to hospital with an infection. He has wasted away before my eyes.  I support him 100% and know it is the right thing to do but facing a future without him terrifies me. We are childhood sweethearts and have been together since we were aged 15 and 16. He is 44 it seems so unfair. 

  • Hello there and welcome to this group and I am sending a big virtual hug to you. I know it's so scary. Please post here and ask for help whenever you need it.

    Love

    Mel

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

  • HI Suzi_W

    apologies, I've only just noticed your reply. How are you holding up? 

    How do you cope?....million dollar question. My husband doesn't want this affecting our day to day life (yes, I know...but he doesn't see the emotional impact this is having on us) so I go from day to day as best I can maintaining as normal a routine as possible.  In some ways its easier on the days when I'm working as I have that to focus on and to structure the day, The days when I'm not working are harder.

    I too feel in limbo. We bounce from appointment to appointment, Last autumn there were lots of appointments. It was information overload for a few weeks then after his chemo/radiotherapy finished in late-Nov the appointments eased off.  He declined the offer of further treatment. Now the appointments are weeks and weeks apart. The next one is May 24th so I think "right, we just need to get to this one and see what they say".... and so on.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you do the best you can. Everyone copes in different ways and there's no right or wrong way to get through this journey.

    big hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm