Looking after Dad- End of life

Hi Sarz

Welcome to the Carers forum, as much as I am sure that this is one of the last places you would want to be, I am glad that you have taken the time to reach out to us here. 

I am so sorry to read that your Dad's medication is being stopped due to his overall health and to read how difficult this is for you both at this time.

There are no real words, but in response to your question about what to say, I think the answer is, anything and everything that you want to say. Reminisce, talk about your feelings and listen to his. Maybe this LINK may give you some guidance, I know, that for some talking is difficult , people sometimes try to protect loved ones or hold on to their emotions, you will know how things are for you and your Dad and you will find the best ways to communicate.

I understand your overwhelming feelings, the unexplained feeling of grieving for someone who is still here, was something I struggled with personally... everything that you are feeling is normal, although somewhat strange, it is ok to feel all of the things you are feeling.

I truly hope that you have support around for you and your children at this time, people to reach out too

We are here Sarz, and I wish you all the strength and support you can muster during this extremely emotional and difficult time.

(((Hugs)))

Lowe'

Hi Sarz,

Sorry we have to meet like this and my heart goes out to you and tp your Dad.

Its not easy seeing your parent deteriorate so quickly and the only advice I can give is to spend as much time with him as you can along with your children. Talk to your children about Grandad being poorly so when the time comes they will be able to deal with the news better. Children are very resilient and can be quite matter of fact about death.

When I lost my Dad we all spent time with him as he lay in his bed, saying our Goidbyes and whatever else we wanted him to know.  Hold his hand, reassure him you are there for him and tell him not to worry about you.  Listen to things he wants to talk about and let him know how much you love him.  Make the most of the time you have left together don't worry about the future becausec that's a waste of your energy. Just concentrate on your Dad,  Talking with him, telling him you love him and thanking himi for being the best Dad and a  great Grandad to your son.  Treasure these moments as they will help you in the grieving process.  Its good your Dad is still doing most things for himself, maintain his independence fir as long as you can. The time may come when he can't do it all on his own so step up then to help him. 

My Dad had his meds stopped as they were no longer working and he was kn palliative care which went on for another 2 years.  

Sending you a bucket load of hugs and support to get you through the coming days.  Be gentle with yourself 

Virtual hugs

Julie 

HI Sarz

so sorry to hear about your Dad.  I've no words of wisdom to offer here. My husband (he's 51) was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour last Sept. He had surgery then 6 weeks of oral chemo and radiation. A few weeks after that treatment cycle ended he was offered the option  of more oral chemo and he refused. He doesn't want any more treatment.

It was a hard thing to hear. Hard for my kids too (they're 23 and 21).

Like you I have little idea of what to expect and I've been through every emotion in the book since the first diagnosis. I feel we're constantly clock watching. He was told 12-15 months last Sept so we are approaching month 8 rapidly. The sands of time are streaming through...

As for what to say, well all I can advise is be led by your dad. If he wants to talk things through, however hard it is for you, be patient and listen. If he wants to do things (within reason) let him. I'm trying to be led by my other half. We're fortunate in that he is still physically fit(he's a marathon runner) but mentally his capability is slowly diminishing so part of it is making sure whatever he wants to do is safe. You have to trust that they know what they want to do and are capable of doing it. It's so hard to watch. 

All you can do is do what feels right and do your best.

Hang in there. You will get through this and know that there's a whole group of folk here that you can reach out to anytime

love n hugs

Wee Me  xx

Thank you so much for your words it means alot to me! It makes me so sad to see other people going through the same! You really don’t realise until you come on here and see how your not alone!! 

Dad is slowly worsening, he is refusing the district nurses to go in at the moment so thats tough! He says hes “fine” hes not!! The brain tumour is giving him tremors, and he gets dizzy a lot! 

I am trying my hardest to just focus on the now, focus on today and let go of trying to have the control because i can’t control when things will happen, I can’t control when he will die. I just have to be there for him on the good and bad days and not think too far ahead! Hard for someone who always loves to be in control! 

Hope you are all okay and i can’t thank you enough the replies! Sending lots of love x