The struggle to come to terms with my husbands death

Oh Ozz76 (Rachel)

I just want to reach out and give you a huge hug.

I hear you. I feel your pain and to be honest I'm a wee bit scared of when I'm in exactly the same situation. Time has been kinder to us and my husband is still with us but its a hell of a journey for all of us and the sands of time are running through here. 

Journaling is a good way to get your feelings out. I've filled 3 journals since our diagnosis last August. You can write down the feelings and words that you can't say out loud. The ones that hurt too much to say out loud. The ones that are too scary to say out loud. 

Stay strong. You've had a traumatic whirlwind nightmare journey over the past few month. Be gentle with yourself and patient with yourself. You'd be saying the same to others so say it to yourself.

take care

Wee Me xx

Thankyou xx That's very kind of you to say.

All I can say it might get damn frustrating at times but savour all those happy memories you make together.Thats what is keeping us going by talking and laughing at those times.weve had memory bears and cushions made and since getting mine touch wood I've slept through most nights as I was only getting 3 hours at the most xx

Look after yourselves x Take care

Oh sweetheart, I've been where you are and it's just like a punch to the heart. If I could hug you, I would.

The best advice I got given after my late wife passed was to not try and think how to live my life without her, but how to best live with the love she left behind.

Martin was on the money when he said to look for happiness, joy and beauty in the world.

My wife sent me a delayed SMS message (received 10 weeks after she passed - greatest shit-my-pants moment I've ever had) that thanked me for everything I did for her and that she takes my love with her and that would be enough. She asked me to love our kids and grandkids unconditionally and constantly. She asked me to find another love. She TOLD me to not let cancer turn me into an angry old man.

As my youngest son (the smart arse one) said, "Guess she did have the last word".

I couldn't have had a better last word.

Hang in there sweetheart. I won't tell you that it gets easier, or it hurts less over time. or, my favourite, "time heals all wounds". The grief hurts - like a bitch. But, over time, I've come to accept it. Her passing has become a part of me now. I think of her every day and re-read her SMS every day and do my utmost to honour her wishes.

At the end of your journey, the sun will still rise. As will you.

Peace,
Ewen :-)

Thankyou for your lovely kind words!! Yes that's what keeps me going.. knowing he will be smiling down on us as we continue to make him proud each and every day xx

Rachel xx

Hey Rachel,

There's an old Samoan funeral blessing that sums it up perfectly;

Let your memories be loved.
Let your beloved be your memories.

Every day, look back on what you did for Martin with pride. Every day, look forward to doing something that would make him proud.

Hate cancer by all means, but try and find a way to love life.

It's the least we can do and it's the best we can do.

Give your kids a hug from me and give yourself one as well. You are all carers and you all deserve one.

Peace,
Ewen :-)