My daughter's Dad has been diagnosed with cancer. We separated a year ago and have maintained a decent relationship, even working from home together in one house when childcare was shut during lockdown.
He is living with his Mum at present and after attending an appointment with him today (to find out about treatment etc) I just feel overwhelmed by the reality of it all and have so many conflicting thoughts.
I feel bad that he is 'on his own' and worse that his Mum will be very much affected and involved in looking after him. She is mid 60's, in good health but I worry about the responsibility she now faces.
I want to be actively involved in supporting him (and he has intimated that he would welcome that) whilst worrying how I can, when juggling work and looking after our wee one. In some ways, she will be protected a little by him not being at home whilst going through treatment but living separately means a lot of unknowns about seeing her, being well enough to be around her (he's very involved with her, regular access etc) and (very selfishly) how I will manage on my own.
I'm terrified of what's ahead though like many others on here, I feel guilty because I am not the one with cancer!
If I had a magic wand I'd rent a big house with him, with enough room for everyone where we could live together as a family and ride it all out! I have no desire to get back together with him but his diagnosis has helped me realise how much I care for him and how great a Dad he is.
Has anyone experienced a similar set of circumstances and willing to share?
Hi
Sorry to read you story and sorry to that it has not really found a match in the those active on here at the moment. Cancer can be such a difficult disease and can have all sorts of effects on relationships - it is not totally uncommon that patients will retreat in to themselves and push those that care for them away and struggles are all to common.
If you are selfish then in the early days so was I - I was concerned how I would manage with my young son when my wife was gone and lots of organising in primary schools and everything else. I was a mess and almost broke - then I opened up to others and finally did a living with less stress course. Janice has been living with cancer for 8 years now - she is stable and the oncologist are pleased/amazed with her.
It might help you to look through Looking after someone with cancer and depending on the age of your child it might also be useful to look at Talking to children and teenagers - it may also be worth talking to the people running the child care in case they get ask questions or notice behaviours and can ensure everyone gives a consistent response.
<<hugs>>
Steve
