Hi,
I am not sure if I am submitting this to the correct place or not but I am looking for some advice.
My mum was diagnosed with cancer back in September 2020 and has since undergone chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She completed her treatment back at the end of December 2020 but is still incredibly unwell. Since completing her treatment she has been admitted to hospital twice for extreme sickness. She is on medication for nausea, sickness and indigestion continually but does not seem to be getting any better. Currently, she has not eaten a meal since completing her treatment two months ago and is surviving on fruit squash and small mouthfuls of melon each day. Some days she does not even manage to eat the melon. She cannot stand anyone eating a meal near her and refuses to try and eat anything apart from squash and melon as she will either feel extremely sick or worry that she will be sick. She has lost a considerable amount of weight (I am guessing around 4 stone at this point). She says that the reason she is not eating/trying to eat is that she feels nauseous all the time. She does not have anything in her system apart from fluids to bring up when sick but will keep dry retching constantly. We have spoken to her consultant, but they do not seem worried about her lack of eating or weight loss. She has is extremely pale, has no energy and struggles to move around. She lives between her bed and the sofa.
Even though we have continually raised our concerns with the medical professionals working with her, and have been reassured that she will recover in time, I am incredibly anxious that she will never get over this. I feel she is very much in denial and also possibly suffering with depression (even though she refuses to talk about this). Every time myself or my sister try and talk to her about how worried we are, she will either snap at us or dismiss us. She does not seem to be getting better at all. We lost my dad 7 years ago (non-cancer related) and I am worried that she is now going the same way. She is only 59.
I am looking to see if anyone has any advice? Should I be concerned that even though she is still on sickness medication, she is still feeling incredibly sick? (she has tried a whole range of different medications that seem to work to begin with and then almost seem to stop) Should I be concerned that she continues to not eat? Is there anything else I can do?
I am really struggling and would appreciate any advice that you may have.
Hi ,
My wife was often quite nauseous but did manage to eat during and after chemotherapy but then did vomit - that can be very distressing. Perhaps the key positive message I hear is that the oncology team are aware of this issue.
I always know when Janice is really ill when she actually wants to go to hospital - but one drawback there is sometimes they will give her oral morphine that makes her retch - time and time again they say it will be problem and then end with her being sick - sometimes even over them - well we told you so!
Sometimes patients can feel the last thing they have any control over in their life is eating and drinking and in my time on here I have almost seen it become a battle between the carer and the patient - it might be worthwhile to choose not to have that battle, say you are in charge of what you do or do not eat and drink and if you choose not to try to do either then sooner or later they are going to end up in hospital rather than at home with your loved ones - sometimes it can feel a bit like raising a child when explaining that actions have consequences - though I would never put it like that to my wife - if I want to live.
Sorry to hear about your dad too, perhaps this new health issue is adding to a feeling of post-traumatic stress - could it be some of the issues from that tucked safely in a box and shoved to the back of your mind are now surfacing.
It might help you to talk to someone about how your feelings, the lack of emotion in text can be sometimes helpful and sometimes a curse - if you think if might help know you are welcome to call the helpline here so that you can be in the best place possible to support your mum.
<<hugs>>
Steve
