Dad diagnosed with cancer

Hi Svalla

Thank you for updating us on Dad's progress, I want to address in the first instance if you don't mind your comment which states that Dad is struggling, has he been offered counselling or any other type of support, he has been through so much! 

Your next thought that I would like to mention about is where you say that you feel as if you have lost a part of him, are you able to explain in which context you are feeling this? It may seem a very deep question, but to understand fully how you are feeling I am trying to understand whether the change in your Dad is more than you expected it to be after undergoing all of his treatment or whether it is the loss of the man that you imagined your Dad to be as you grow older.

I don't think that you sound selfish, I do feel that you are very brave to broach the questions that you have and I hope that some of the answers that follow will help you to fit the pieces of the jigsaw together for you. Please don't hate yourself, it is natural to grieve the loss of a person even when that person is still with us. Things change, people do too, and I think for your Dad there is time for additional changes, as he adapts and grows and finds himself again.

If he has not been given any counselling support please reach out and try to get that for him. Call the number in my signature or call his oncology team, he is dealing with so much whilst trying to be a Husband and a Father and I think that maybe he feels that he has let you all down? I may be wrong, I hope that I am, I am just trying to put myself in your Dad's shoes all be it from a great distance, to try to understand where he may be within himself.

I hope you can acknowledge that your sadness is not a betrayal, it is normal.

Thinking of you all

Lowe'

Hi Svalla, I came on this forum to chat about supporting my partner with chemotherapy but your post resonated with me a little. My dad is quite unwell (non cancer related but incurable nonetheless) and I really understand how you feel. My dad was a really active sporty person, he and I enjoy physical activity and challenges and over the last 6 to 9 months he has had to stop doing a lot of the things he enjoys. Although he is not severely ill all the time, knowing his condition is incurable and time limiting really plays on his mind. When he is well he still engages in as much of his previous activities as he can, but he has definitely and understandably changed. I support him by being in contact as much as I can (which is limited due to covid of course as both he and my partner are very vulnerable, but even a midday surprise phone call is appreciated) and just trying to do silly things together or trying new things to get us both out of our funk. He has become a dab hand at baking and often bakes for my partner and I which we love. I feel deep inside the loss of our previous relationship parameters but try not to dwell on it and try to just come up with distractions and ideas for enjoying life instead such as planning fantasy travelling trips for if covid is ever done :) I would also ask if you have someone you can talk to as well such as another family member or close frirbd, giving someone to share your loss, hurt, frustration or grief with is invaluable and means you can face your parents with less of a burden. Good luck with everything x