After nearly a year my husband has lost his battle with Lung Cancer and Secondary Bone Cancer.
Due to Covid I was his only carer. I know feel redundant and don't know what to do with myself.
I wish they would collect the hospital bed in my lounge as its a constant reminder that he's gone.
I am heart broken that I had nodded off when died so I wasn't holding his hand.
His family are being complete b***tards, they only came to visit 3x in a year hardly rang or texted and now posting all over social media how much they miss him it makes me sick with anger.
I feel so alone, but now I have to face being evicted from our home in the next 9 weeks, landlord evicting us for no reason.
I lost my job due to Covid in July, I feel like everything is against me. Not enough money for the funeral and UniversalCredit amount is about 500 a month less than what I need for bills.
How can I rent in a nice area with no money and no job and facing my grief.
How can the world be so cruel to me
Hi Cazzie
I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. You have been amazing throughout his treatment and stood by his side.
I have learned through the years, the ones we love the most, sometimes will pass when their loved ones are out of the room to spare them the pain. It a sort of a protection in a way. He would of known and felt how much you loved him, and I am sure he cherished you to the moon and back.
Hold onto your memories, give yourself a break, a wee walk in the fresh air, a coffee outside if it’s possible, your favourite songs on and a long bath, and rest. Give yourself a day or two, don’t rush yourself.
Forget about social media, switch it off. I use the app headspace and I do notice a wee difference, not long started using it.
Try getting in touch with citizens advice, they would be able to advise you on what you are entitled too and
get in touch with legal aid also, they would be able to help out.
Send lots of love & prayers your way.
take care, stay safe and faith that it will all work out 
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Hi Cazzie3305
so sorry for your loss.
sending love and hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Hi cazzie,
Sincere condolences on the loss of your husband, the past few months have been such a roller coaster for you, I am sorry to read that there is so much more you have to deal with.
There has been some great advice given by others here already, I agree with Maltings with regards loved ones waiting, if you can, try not to feel that you let your husband down in anyway, I am sure he would not want that.
With regards to the bereavement benefit that lauren5429 mentions you can apply directly at the Gov.UK website, in addition, if you already receive certain benefits you may be able to be awarded funeral expenses payments, information ..it may be worth checking.
Have you contacted your local council regarding the possibility of you losing your home or obtained legal advice? I am not sure that landlords are currently allowed to evict people without reason.
I am sorry you feel so alone, I hope that the information provided here can in someway help you in the coming days.
If you have time to take a look HERE there is more information from Macmillan which may also be of help.
Sending Strength
Lowe'
