My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Terminal Lung Cancer in Jan 2020. He had surgery in Jan 2020 to remove a spine tumour then sent home. He could hardly walk but gradually I did physio with him and we got him doing a bit of walking. But used a wheelchair when going out.
We managed to go on 5 holidays last one September 2020, but since then he has gradually got worse. He is now totally bedbound, I am caring for him totally on my own. He doesn't want carers, I even do his lung drain 3 x a week. I am getting hard any sleep and now he is so confused. He stopped eating at beginning of December but is still drinking a little.
I am at my wits end, I cry everyday, I can't cope. If he went into the hospice they don't allow any visitors due to covid.
I struggle bathing him as he just crys with pain, changing the bed is a nightmare. I am having to change it alot due to incontinence.
I feel so guilty that I feel like this. I just want to have help but he doesn't want anyone coming in. If this his last request I have to abide by what he wants.
He is so confused now, he sleeps so much. I losing him, how can I cope. The thought of finding him gone, fills me with fear. I have no family, his family don't hardly ring and his friends are the same. I feel so isolated and lost my job due to covid in July so money is tough. Plus landlord has send eviction notice for April (we have never missed a payment).
My life is spirling out of control and I feel so lonely and depressed, I wish I could have my friends round just for a chat and a brew.
