I’ve been attending hospital appointments with a relative, X, since their recent cancer diagnosis. Having to take in everything in that’s being said and relaying it to other people is becoming difficult, as is comforting the relative when they get bad news. X is trying to block out the diagnosis and doesn’t want to know many details which makes it hard for me to know the full picture on prognosis etc
I'm also working full time and struggling every day. It’s hard to keep track of what I’ve done, particularly when relatives contact me with questions on X and how their treatment is going. Every time X phones me I panic as to what has happened and think it could be the last time I speak to them. Friends at work have shut me out despite knowing my situation, and my managers don’t show any interest even with me breaking down twice in meetings last week.
How do others manage this in normal times? There’s then the added complication of Covid. Whilst I can technically see X under caring responsibilities I don’t want to put them at risk of getting Covid and I worry that X’s neighbours could report me to the police.
Hello A1m233l4i5a
Thank you for taking the time to post and ask a really important question, goodness, things can be difficult but even more so when you feel that you have limited support around you.
I am sorry to hear that friends at work have shut you out, and that your manager seems to lack interest in your current situation, it is tough being the one at the end of the phone, there for everyone else, yet in some ways very alone yourself.
But Wow! how strong you are to continue to be the person there for X, there for those who rely on you for feedback, where would the world be if it were not for people like you?
I work part/full time, in one job, part time in another, I personally like to keep busy but can often pick and choose my days and hours so it helps, unfortunately I am unable to attend appointments with my husband so the work keeps me from clock watching when he is away.
Making notes is my main suggestion for you, when it comes to taking in everything that is being said, ask the specialist to give you time to note down the "important" bullet points, this will help you when it comes to relaying information to the others.
As for Covid, it is scary and there is the worry of infection, but for me I think of the district nurses, the Macmillan Nurses, carers, who go from house to house, the response teams who go to fallers in our community and all the emergency services doing what they do....hopefully, you going to X will be managed with every precaution and as you have a right to be with X for caring responsibilities, the neighbours complaints will not need to be a priority concern.
It is really important that you take time for you... find some relaxation, meditation or even appreciation zones, where you place your needs first.
You are doing an amazing job, and although you may not have the support from those you have mentioned, I hope you will find support here. Take a look at My Possible Self or Looking after someone with cancer, you may find some helpful tips and advice.
Take care of You
Lowe'
