Hi everyone. I’m new to the group and have joined after our dad receiving a diagnosis for cancer of the lung and prostrate. We’re going through the process of setting treatment plans and currently he is on hormones only pending the MRI results. What’s clear is that he is really struggling mentally. He keeps stopping his tablets as they say they are making him feel (physically and mentally) worse and we’re worried about how strong he needs to be mentally to get through this...wherever it takes us. We will discuss all this with the care team but wondered if you could share any insights into the role you play as a carer to support the person you’re caring for mentally....my mum is there all the time and my sister is the second carer given the lockdown restricts our travel. I think our mum is being too hard on herself as she is trying to get my dad to do things to keep him going...short stroll in the fresh air, jigsaws etc, but he just doesn’t want to. And then she feels helpless. Apologies for the ramble....and any experience to share would be gratefully received. Wishing all of you and those you’re caring for my very best wishes.
Hi and welcome to the community though sorry to hear about your dad and the impact it has on all the family.
We often describe a cancer diagnosis as a tsunami and all too often the people who care can find it more difficult to cope.
If you look at Looking after someone with cancer, especially the bits around coping with being a carer I am sure you will recognize some of the feeling you and your mother are going through. Everyone tends to go in to shock with the diagnosis. Often of course mum's want to make the best for everyone else and can end up forgetting to look after themselves.
One thing I had to learn in my carer role was to become a little bit selfish - I have to carve out some time for me because otherwise I could make myself ill and that does not help me or anyone else.
<<hugs>>
Steve
