My husband was given months at the end of June was given immunotherapy which they have stopped mid November due to it no longer working and cancer progressing they are starting him on chemo but still waiting on a start date
since the immunotherapy has stopped he has been going downhill for the last week maybe 2 (each day rolls in together) he hasn’t eaten a good hot meal he is being sick most days and feeling really sick he has been trying to eat small things but with the sickness feeling he doesn’t want to eat and gets a bit more snappy when talking to him
I have been trying to get him to talk to me about how he feels but he just tells me so so or I will be ok in a few days I’ve got cross with him and told him he needs to be honest with me with how he is feeling which he does sometimes
I’m worried with him being sick most days now and don’t know what I can do or offer to help him when he is very good at showing others he is fine when the district nurses ring he tells them he is fine if people visit to see him he is great at showing he is fine and then as soon as they leave he is back to how he is feeling
I’m constantly torn between trying to be there for him and spending time with him and looking after our 2 boys (12 years old and 3 years old)
I just don’t know if perhaps I should now be getting more people in to help him or whether he will pick up again when chemo starts he is very stubborn about having people here so will only get me to ring if he is doubled over in pain and can’t help himself he leaves it all too late to be checked on helped
I’m really struggling with it all now and just don’t know what to do for the best without upsetting him
Hi , so sorry to hear about your husbands cancer. What you talk about is really very common where it is often only with people we really trust that we feel we can show our weakness. However it sounds like you are a very strong couple so perhaps what could help would be to tackle this as a couple.
It might help you to look through Looking after someone with cancer and make sure as well as your husband and boys you remember to make time for yourself - something I had to learn the hard way.
Hopefully you will hear about the plans for chemotherapy before long, waiting to start treatment is perhaps one of the most difficult times as if feels like we should be doing something.
<<hugs>>
Steve
