New

Hi and welcome to carers land. So sorry to hear about what you have both been through and can relate to not wanting to answer the phone.

A rollercoaster is often used as a metaphor on here - as for it being normal - well when anyone comes up with a decent definition of normal I hope they let the rest of us know.

My wife's cancer is very different to your husbands but we never got off the rollercoaster - her cancer is stable and we are doing well but know we will always be living with - and enjoying every minute of life.

I really struggled in the earlier days until I did a living with less stress course. Learning to live in the the here and now and making the most of every day was probably the best lesson I learnt. Tomorrow is only a promise for everyone so we need to enjoy what we have. The next most important lesson I learnt was conscious breathing - it helps to deal with the times when the news might not be so good but also it is a great way to relax especially at those times I just cannot stop thinking. The transcendental meditation bit though did not really work for me.

One thing many of us carers have to learn - often the hard way - is to first look after ourselves. I am sure if you look at Looking after someone with cancer you will see how "normal" we are.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Cat Ninja  sorry to hear about your husband. I've only been reaching out through this group for a few weeks but the rollercoaster ride seems to be the norm. The good thing about this group though is that you're not riding it alone.

Hang in there

big hugs

Wee Me 

x

Thanks src60. I have been reading a lot in the last 2 days from the website.

Breathing sounds like a good idea. I will give it a go.

Pleased to hear your wife's cancer is stable and you are both doing well.

Thanks

Thanks Wee Me

I reached out today because I am feeling alone. Covid is having an impact on my self care and being able to get a break. Most of my friends don't know what to do or how to help and have their own struggles with Covid. So thanks for letting me know I am not alone.

Cat Ninja x

I hear you. Cat Ninja. Friends and family are great and they offer so much love and support but unless they've been on this rollercoaster ride they don't understand. And to be honest, long may that continue - this isn't a journey I'd wish on anyone.  

And you're definitely not alone

x

Hi there,

I am so sorry that you and your husband find yourselves in this very difficult situation but I am glad you have found this form as it will provide support for you as a carer which is so necessary to have.

I remember this up and down, back and forth, positive news and then bad news, this whole rollercoaster only too well from our cancer journey.

I think one of the first things I had to learn was to live in the moment. I remember I did a lot more meditation practice then before, simply mindful breathing and saying thinking to myself each time the thoughts became overwhelming, and it really calmed me and helped me to live in the moment more and more.

and what was also really helpful for me was the exchange with other carers here and on other forums just to be able to share and to participate in other peoples stories.

so what you are experiencing is absolutely normal. It is a very difficult and traumatic time for you both and physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting.

keep looking after yourselves and right here when ever you want.