Need to Rant

Thanks Wee Mee - Apologies for the late reply but I only drop by the site occasionally as it depresses me even more to see so many people in my situation - and we all know it's only going to get worse but we have no choice but to keep going. I feel for you all and some of these stories stay with me for days. I need to be more positive for others or I'm going to drag myself down too.  Thanks again

Hi

my life is equally as bad... I’m not even the wife.. I’m the partner and all he’s interested in is his kids who haven’t visited him in 3 months...so I get no respite and have to deal with all his shit 24/7

when he’s on the phone to them he acts like there’s nothing wrong with him ??

total denial but they don’t have to endure what I do and to top it all when he does go I’ll basically be homeless while the kids get everything meantime I’m his whole support system 

life is just not fair sometimes

covid obviously makes it all worse as I can’t do anything to keep sane except walking 

it’s good to hear I’m not alone as he is not the person I fell in love with anymore 

sometimes when he says awful things to me I dislike him intensely

i could also go on and on

️

Thanks, your experience is at least helping me to get mentally ready for what I’ll probably experience.  Take care and focus on keeping your words and actions to be something you are proud of, even when taken out of context. I’m always surprised when I make one small retort to really bad behaviour and suddenly I’m the bad guy. You can always vent to us here.  And work to find a way to minimum the negative impact on the family.  I had a friend whose father had dementia, and they really went through some hellish times, but in some ways it was easier because they knew exactly how his brain was affected.  Take care of yourself so you can keep handling this as well as you are.  You’ve got this.

What sort of operation did your husband have on his leg? My husband is waiting on an op to remove part of his femur as he has stage 1 cancer. 

OMG  I haven't been on here before but i just can't believe that what I am going through is not unique. eg The jovial laughter on  the phone to friends and the conversations with Oncologist with him saying " I am absolutely fine here no problem" and I have to intervene all the time which he hates.  Maybe I don't feel so guilty about my feelings that several of you ladies have voiced. Yes I have to walk away into another room sometimes too. the hardest thing is having to put on a smiley face when seeing or speaking to family and friends. If I talk about my concerns the family think I am being negative. No I am being realistic. Wish people would stop saying "how are you? "  how on earth can you answer that  truthfully.  

Have been invited to do a zoom for carers but I wouldn't know what to say without  crying and my husband wondered why was I  invited or why i should even need to  do that !

Sorry so many carers are going though hard times and in these Covid times when will it get better?. Just dreading the cancer progressing and dealing with terminal symptoms.  But hey ho life goes on well for some it will and others not.

Thanks for reading my rant 

Hi Maryann

it is a tiny comfort to me to know I am not alone feeling this way.

I am caring for my ex partner (his family have not offered help at all).  I do all I can and work part time. At times I want to walk out of the door and keep on going. 
Then I look at him and the fight he has to battle with!

it seems we are all going through very similar emotions. 
keep strong 

Hi ,

It doesn't seem fair for you that your ex partners family are not helping.  You are amazing caring and working as well.

What stage cancer is he at the moment? Can you get more help from home nursing teams or local hospices? 

keep strong too 

Back again and yup I’m now in the throes of it and I really don’t know what to do.  As said it’s a tiny comfort to know others are going through it and I’m not the only person feeling this way.  I feel “like a terrible person” because I feel like I should have endless patience and was doing ok for a while but I just can’t keep it up forever.  I went back and read my advice to Sallypond and it was both helpful and not helpful.  My advice not to take actions that I regret?  Important but very hard to follow.   I’m currently locked in my spare room crying my eyes out.  And my husband knows I’ve locked myself in because he tried to come in which makes me feel awful but I just can’t take him right now.  My own advice was to try to take myself personally out of the situation so his shouting and temper and nastiness is about how he’s being, not me?  Well, yes but I’m still bawling my eyes out.  Everyone says “call if you need help” but I am a very private person and I don’t understand what a nurse or therapist can do for me.  

Has anyone tried therapy or similar call centres and has it been helpful?

Juppy

How are you now? 
you are not alone and if you are still in your spare room I am sending you a hug.

It is very hard sometimes isn’t it.

Aw thanks for the hug.  I’m scrolling through the Macmillan support items to see how I can help myself. Thanks for checking in.