What about me?

I feel the same! We no longer live together because of his ptsd. But I am running two homes now, caring for him and endless appointments! Working 30+ hours a week and it is my daughters GCSE year!! I just have no time left!!! 
Apart from my work colleagues and my own children, no one actually says are you ok? I am exhausted and wonder how long do I have to keep going alone! 

You are not alone, I feel like you. No one tells you anything and the carer gets left out of many things! So many of us have so many responsibilities many a lot more than me I know. I know that feeling of being uncared for and unimportant, but you most definitely are the lynch pin of everything. A friend used to say, we deserve medals as big as frying pans, and we do. Xxxxx

Hi Claire

A very warm welcome to the online community and I am really sorry to see you here and I know that this is not a place you want to be at.

As you are experiencing being a carer is not easy, it takes up most of your day and you have to juggle your time to get through at the tasks that need doing with the end result you end up being knackered, tired and exhausted.

You probably see many people during the day but you feel all alone and no one seems to care about you because on the outside you seem okay rushing around doing everything that's expected of you to keep everyone happy but you are not okay you are tired  exhausted, knackered and no one notices you and you feel alone, neglected and uncared for.

I can't help you with your quest at this time on what symptoms you should be looking for in your husband's condition but with some more information I could possibly give you some pointers to look on for I can at this time invite you to join our Oesophageal cancer forum Group and start to interact with the very friendly and supportive members, all of whom are very knowledgeable on the condition.

However there are things you can do that might help you, but I can only give you some general suggestions as I do not know your age or that of your husband

Have you had a Carers assessment this is an assessment to see how you are coping, to find out what help is available to you but it is not a test to judge your caring skills and gives you access to many things

What does a carers assessment cover

Who can have a carers assessment

Find your local council

At the same time as having your carers assessment you should Apply for a needs assessment for your husband.

Both assessments are free and you both are entitled to have one, you may be pointed to some benefits and if you qualify for any please remember that they are not charity but an entitlement you both can get.

Depending on your ages there may be additional help for both of you, often free of charge and could include a befriending service, a volunteer to take your husband to appointments and could possibly help with collecting prescriptions from the pharmacy although now that most GPs issue prescriptions electronically direct to your pharmacy you could ask them, because of your situation, if they would deliver the medication to your home for you.

When I say that you must take care of yourself I really mean it, otherwise you will run yourself into the ground and be unable to do anything.

The people who are close to your husband would you be able to say to them that you need help to look after husband and ask if they could take some of the tasks off your hands and let you have a break during the day, it is important that you make time for ME every day to recharge your batteries, the break they could give you could be used to visit your parents, hopefully you are not trying to be carer to them also.

You should have your GP add a note to your medical records that you are your husbands carer, he should also be able to point you in the direction of some help for you and there is a good chance that he will be able to make the referral for you. At some GP practices carers receive special treatment with regard to appointments and other things.

There is help available to you, it only needs asking for to the right people and this can be found by having your carers assessment and your husband having his needs assessment.

If you could complete information in your profile page and tell us more about yourself and your husbands journey this really helps me and others to give you help, support and advice based on your story.

Please keep in touch with us, there is usually someone about all the time that you can chat to or have a rant and rave and let off steam safe in the knowledge that no one on this site will judge you in anyway as most have been or are currently in the same position as you are now.

Ian 

Do you have someone who has Cancer too?

You are so important, you are the one that's keeping things together.  Take time for yourself xx