Trapped in a Nightmare

Sounds really difficult. - there are others here for you on this site. I am offering some virtual moral support and a virtual friendly arm to hold if you feel it would help.  

I’m so sorry to hear this and I can relate to the feelings of shock and grief, and trying to stay strong. I’m here on this forum as my husband has been diagnosed with prostate cancer (due to start treatment in January) and my Mother has today been diagnosed with secondary liver cancer. It’s a big shock and although Mum is in her 80s, I’m feeling numb at the thought of losing her.

I think it can be very easy to feel overwhelmed and that you’re drowning in emotions- my advice is to make yourself number one priority.... yes, that sounds selfish but if you become ill, you’re not be able to provide the support you want. 

Find an an outlet for your emotions and get them out there! Don’t bottle them up. 

Then start looking at self care - therapies that make you feel relaxed and calm. Meditation helps - or anything that makes you feel good.

Take care - you can do this, and this forum is full of people who can support you. xx

My husband was also diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 6 weeks ago! The day I started a new job! I am a nurse and it was just a few weeks if she will deal with it!!! But I wasn’t! On Wednesday I went to my GP having had an asthma attack at the hospital out patients (no help there!). She sent me away!!! 
I bought some rescue remedy and kalms for my anxiety and a friend has told me about panic hand technique! All helping! But I called on speck at our local hospice! The lovely volunteer receptionist took me to a beautiful room, sat wth me until the lead nurse was available who talked to me and gave me valuable advice and guidance on how to look after myself and what to do next for the future!! I was desperately anxious about all this prolong his life treatment!! They seemed to ignore the inevitable at the hospital! Most importantly she listened to me and I felt a weight had been lifted! I will see his GP on Monday with him and we can move forward! I am however dreading the first treatment on Tuesday!!! 
we were also given two different diagnoses which has not helped in the least! With no explanation!!!

please try the hospice because there are so many ways they can help you too. Sending you love and take care xxx

Thank you everybody for your words of support. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this as well.  I had a bad couple of days when I felt close to collapse.  With support I'm feeling stronger now.  Unfortunately, my partner is back in hospital and not well at all.  I feel so helpless.  We've always supported each other throughout our relationship.  Now there is nothing I can do.  Of course I will be there for him and support him to the very end.  I know it sounds irrational, but I think I've had in the back of my mind the idea that I should be able to fix this, and I've been feeling frustration and guilt that I can't take this away for him.  Now I'm beginning to reach a point of acceptance.  I'm experiencing  all the stages of grief, even though he is still with us.  It is exhausting.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It's very normal to miss someone while they're still there and feel bereaved even while the person is alive - my dad has metastatic lung cancer that has spread to his brain. I was his carer until 6 days ago when he moved into hospice for what I believe are his final days. I think it's natural to feel like you should be able to fix it even though you know logically that you can't. But the emotional part of the brain still feels like if you are creative enough, if you google enough, if you devote enough time and energy, you will find the perfect cure/caring method/answer. And of course, that simply isn't the case.

You will have lows as well as periods of acceptance, which you described. Grief is a very physical thing, it is exhausting and physically painful at times. I'm glad to hear you're feeling stronger with support in place. This is a difficult time and looking after yourself doesn't take any effort, focus, or love away from your partner.

Take care and I wish you and your partner comfort and peace.