How does cancer of oved ones make you feel ?

Forgive me about my spelling I've typed this on my phone 

Hope - hello, oh my. what struck me about your post was how much you have had to be strong for them and by being such a tight unit, it does not leave space for you to be supported, upset and have feelings other than being positive for others. 

That sounds exhausting and also where do you have time for your own feelings.  I know that, for me, without some outlets where I can let off my steam, I am not as genuinely effective with the people I have a caring role for.  I cant imagine how difficult it is having both parents at the same time and how much of  a strain this must be.  Take some time to be kind to yourself and I dont know how you can get a break but a tiny  little crack of time for yourself now and again might help. 

Thanks for your reply !!! 

I do have some time to myself but my mind has a different idea . I just cant seem to think of anything else. 

I run , socialise and do lots of things I like but my mind just goes back to worrying , I guess it pretty normal !!! Maybe this is my new "normal" ha ha 

Thanks for your reply !!! 

I do have some time to myself but my mind has a different idea . I just cant seem to think of anything else. 

I run , socialise and do lots of things I like but my mind just goes back to worrying , I guess it pretty normal !!! Maybe this is my new "normal" ha ha 

Hi, 

I know exactly what you mean. 

Lost my Dad in 1994 to bowel cancer (only found at stage 4).

1999 Mum diagnosed with grade 1 breast cancer, cured with surgery, no follow ups needed.

2001 Mum diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer again, different type, again cured with surgery, no follow ups needed.

2009 Mum diagnosed with grade 1 lung cancer, again cured with surgery, no follow ups needed.

2015 Mum diagnosed with grade 3 TCC Kidney cancer, removed kidney, but margin positive, couldn't have chemo or any follow up as remaining kidney was struggling.

June 2019 Mum's TCC came back, multiple liver mets and another in bladder, diagnosed stage 4, incurable. Remaining kidney had recovered enough to handle chemo. Now on cycle 4 of 6 chemo, doing ok, holding her own.

The last couple of weeks I've not been coping well. The best way I can describe it is that life at the moment is like watching a car crash in slow-motion. The car is still heading down the road, all looks well, but I know that the wheels are going to come off and it's all going to go downhill. It's like bloody cancer won't leave her alone. We're just sitting here waiting for something to happen. No idea if the chemo is doing any good and we won't know until the last cycle is finished. I'm not sleeping well, waking up at three am, ending up going to gym at 5 just to burn off the stress, am mentally, physically and emotionally knackered. 

Trying to stay positive for my mum, and keep normal life going for my kids (they know Nan's got cancer again, but we've not told them it's now incurable), and feels like I'm failing everybody.

Hiya Chris

It's so hard trying to keep normality isn't it ? I try all the time , I keep busy,  I socialise with people I laugh but deep down I'm so so sad , worried , anxious and feel so sorry for both of my parents. And to top it all theres no support for either of my parents or our family. This is the new normal and I have to cope.

Be strong , supportive , keep busy easier said than done isn't it when you knackered as you said. 

You hit the nail on the head regarding "car crash " mine is like a never ending roller coaster and feel like I'm hanging upside down and not moving lol 

Take care Chris 

Hope

Hi Hope

Your comment about the "new normal" is exactly right. Thought that the other day, my sister had taken mum for chemo, and sent me a message saying chemo all done, and I didn't bat an eyelid. Mum's just had chemo. That's the new normal all right.

Have your parents not got a Macmillan nurse assigned? I've always found they've been absolutely brilliant (especially when I had a full on meltdown in hospital while Mum was being examined in the next room, we'd just been told it was incurable and I just lost it). The whole situation would be far worse without them.

Hiya Chris 

Both my parents had nurses but they were specialist in that particular cancer ( employed by the NHS ) do mcmillian nurses really exist , I dont think we've ever seen one.

We were told mam had cancer and that was it and then a few weeks later we were told dad had it too, we were just left. The only people I've came across is the chemo nurses,  consultant s , specialist lung & osphegeal nurses and the oncologists. 

You just have to get on with it !!! 

You must of been devastated to hear the words incurable? I would be having a meltdown too. Try and stay positive I know its probably hard but there is alot of positive stories on here about incurable patients iving a relatively "normal life " ( I love that word ) years and years later after they have been deemed incurable 

hope 

Hi hope, 

Thats just awful having to deal with both your parents being diagnosed, my heart goes out to you and them.

As for Macmillan nurses yes they do exist and I believe are part funded by NHS as well. My mums has been awesome. They act as a first point of contact for us and are really good at getting answers from consultants etc. 

You are right though, you just have to get on with it. I’m just hoping that the chemo has done some good at the moment. Trying to be positive but also trying not to get my hopes up as it’s a nasty rare form of kidney cancer that she has, and it’s an aggressive one. I know there is a difference between incurable and terminal so we are still hoping it can buy time.

fingers crossed all goes well for you too

all the best

C