Jealous

Hi there, I totally understand that. my hubby (4 8) has stage 4 rectal cancer with liver mets. We are currently undergoing chemo and just trying to take one day at a time... But since his diagnosis in June we've had to cancel 2 family holidays and likely a planned weekend in November. Our only child is going to uni in a fortnight, but hubby won't be able to come, as it's the day after another round of chemo. We had many plans and dreams for retirement, which now seem dashed. Cancer is a thief. It robs us of time and plans, and so much more ... It's totally OK to feel furious about that! But feelings come and go... Some days I am actually peaceful about the future, whatever may come. Other days I struggle.. Fear sadness frustration and yes jealousy of others (who still have their/their partners health so don't know what this feels like) I guess my point is, be gentle with yourself? Being the carer is hard. Dealing with treatment is hard. It's OK to feel all the feelings that come with it! I hear you! My only practical advice for jealousy is... And this is coming from someone who is prone to it at times... Make a gratitude list. It helps. Sending you a big virtual hug xoxoxo 

Thankyou. I hope your husband gets to attend Graduation, it's a long shot  l know but something to aim for.Thankyou for your kindness 

Trentlady

Hi

I am sorry to read how you are feeling and I'm sure that I'm right in saying it's an emotion that is felt by many.

Just as cancer affects your physical health, it can bring up a wide range of feelings you’re not used to dealing with. It can also make existing feelings seem more intense. They may change daily, hourly, or even minute to minute whether you’re currently in treatment, done with treatment, or a friend or family member. These feelings are all normal.

It's important to do what's right for you and not to compare yourself with others.

Often the values you grew up with affect how you think about and cope with cancer.

Do still feel strong enough to seek support and turn to loved ones or other cancer survivors for it.

To ask for help from counselors or other professionals

If you feel comfortable, share information with family members, friends and counsellors but as a member of the Mac family this is a great place to come to to air all of your emotions and rant and rave, have a moan, let off steam or just have a chat with others in the same position as you and they're here for exactly the same reasons as you and because they are they understand all the emotions you are feeling they will listen to you without making any judgement, we are not here to judge but to give you help, support and advice when you need it, this really is a safe place to come to, the doors to this group are never closed just feel free to walk in and tell us what's on your mind and get it out in the open, it's a wonderful feeling when you experience the release talking about your feelings can bring.

It is also important to remain positive and have hope for the future.

There are many reasons to feel hopeful. Millions of people who have had cancer are alive today.. 

People with cancer can lead active lives, even during treatment, don't give up hope look on the present as being early retirement.

Build your sense of hope by

Planning your days as you've always done.

Don't limit the things you like to do just because you husband has cancer.

Bringing forward the plans you and your husband were making for his retirement 

Look for reasons to have hope. If it helps, write them down or talk to others about them.

Listen to stories about people with cancer who are leading active lives and think we could do that.

Set your own goals

A cancer diagnosis may make you feel jealous or envious of the things that others get up to with their cruises, their holidays, their celebrations and there is nothing to stop you joining in their excitement and listening to their stories whilst sitting back and thinking you've got all that but have you got the closeness that we've got, cancer has not weakened our relationship but has made us stronger in our togetherness.

You are not alone, we are here for you and if you ever need to chat, remember my name  is always available to chat or listen to you whenever you need to.

Please keep in touch and keep your new family informed how you are getting on and coping with everything

Ian

I know where you are coming from. My husband is terminally ill with oesophageal cancer. Cancer has robbed us of so much - he’s only 62, we’ve just become grandparents, I’ve recently reduced my hours at work as we planned to do more together. But I’ve decided to focus on what we have done, not what we planned to do. I refuse to let cancer rob me of my warm, open personality. I refuse to become bitter because others still have their husbands or partners and are enjoying life. I feel happy for them but know that one day every person who’s in a couple will have to face life alone - and I’ll already have done it. 

Stay strong. Stay positive.