my wife who has cancer just abuses me

Hi there, sorry you are going through everything. Most of us I am sure have had hurtful comments from those we care for but yours appears ongoing and daily. We were in my partners doctors this morning and she asked how I was coping with being a carer. She gave me the number ofCISS, cancer information and support  services. I don't know if they could help you or if they operate nationwide, obviously mc millman are hugely supportive. I don't know if you can have time for yourself, you need it just to recharge. With such pressure our skins are paper thin which is why you worry that family and friends will believe her tales. These are things you need to be able to talk about to someone for your own peace of mind. You are doing the best you can in hugely difficult times. Be proud of what you do, but please look into getting some help to get some perspective on things, best wishes, pam

I totally hear where you are coming from and needing the same advice myself. My partner won’t eat or drink as it makes him sick. If I ask does need anything he shouts at me, go away you make me sick etc. I’m so frightened and worried. Crying a lot. Can’t cope. What can I do? 

Hi there, I am so sorry to hear of the situation you find yourself in.  Have you tried speaking to your GP and your partners to see if they can advise? Macmillan are great with emotional support too. Keep posting and I really hope things improve xxx

I am so sorry you're going through this. I understand completely because it is exactly what's happening here. Im pretty sure my husband has narcissistic personality disorder; probably always had but it has been magnified 1000 times since he has had cancer. He has stage 4 bowel mets in liver and lungs. We are into the 4th year and each year the abuse has gotten worse. He never had coping skills; blamed everything that went wrong for him on something or someone else; never taken responsiblity for himself etc. I could go on and on. I cannot do anything right for him; I am evil in his eyes. I am not allowed to have any sort of an opinion. Sometimes I think that my being alive upsets him. He uses the kids against me - he ignores them 90

percent of the time but when he wants to get at me he will be extra nice to them and act like a caring father that he most definately isn't. I have been told numerous times that he would love me if... I would not talk; I would do what I;m told, stop being difficult; the list goes on. Lately he tells me I am trying to kill him by stressing him out and no matter what I say, how I approach him, how I look, how I dress, my family, my friends, everyone is stupid, idiots, boring, wrong. I'm rambling because I can't even express what's happening here. He threatens to leave every couple of days and I want so badly to tell him to go but the kids are all over the place. I think the best thing for them would be for us to leave but I don't think i can. Sorry to anyone reading this as it's not very well written and I notice the original post was 3 years ago. Apologies if my reply is insensitive to your circumstances which may have chnanged by now but I really hope you are doing ok. 

I work in mental health and a Personality disorder and be very tough to live with……honestly do some reading round living with someone with that diagnosis….it will help you develop the skills to protect yourself and understand them 

I can totally understand what you are going through. My husband had early stage penile cancer two yeas ago, which was cured after two surgeries, but changed his personality. It highlighted and promoted the aggressive controlling side and diminished the loving side. He has now been diagnosed with advanced localised rectal cancer and is being treated with an intensive 5 week radiochemo course prior to surgery. I am trying to be supportive but nothing I do is right. He has become even more physically and emotionally abusive and I find myself apologising for things that aren’t my fault just to try and keep him calm. His temper kicks in at the smallest thing and he has become physically abusive..which is my fault as I provoke him. If I try to be proactive then I’m being controlling, if I don’t then I’m a dishrag who doesn’t pull my weight. It is so hard to keep being the positive carer when faced with such unending abuse.