Guilt

Hi Needing Friends,

Don't feel guilty. Their cancer is not your fault.

As a carer, you have enough on your plate without wondering what a side dish of cancer would taste like.

Carers who are cancer free can never know what it feels like. All we can do is what we are already doing - caring, loving, comforting and consoling (and, internally, screaming, ranting, raving, trembling and crying).

Whatever is best for those we love.

I can only ask that you concentrate on the things that you can do and that you take care of yourself as well.

I'll leave you with the words of Mother Theresa;

Yesterday is gone.
Tomorrow has not yet arrived.
All we have is today.
Let's begin.

Peace,
Ewen :-)

Thank you, its just that I don't feel my support is enough when I can't know what he's going through. We don't talk asuch because everything  I say sounds so pathetic, useless, trite, is that the right word.? It's almost as when other people ask how we are, and give platitudes and you feel, perhaps wrongly,angry, that they don't know what they are talking about.. But I know you are right and you confirming it helps, and I know that my post sounded stupid but I didn't have the words. But you understood. The words of Mother Theresa are perfect. Much  gratitude to you and best wishes

Hi,

Like everyone here I am a carer to my wife who has lived with Kidney cancer for the past 3 years and has now been told that although treatable it is incurable.

Believe me your post in no way sounds stupid! your emotions and on what I can only describe as a "roller coaster" and your entire world has been turned upside down. You are absolutely right when you say you cant possibly know how he or any other suffer is feeling but what we can know is that our very presence and our support, however trivial & meaningless it might feel to us at times is the one constant that they can cling to throughout their journey .

Please try and talk to your partner about the way you feel and I'm sure he will understand those feelings and do what he can to support you as you support him. In the meantime I truly believe that this site and many others like it are vital safe spaces for us all to vent our feeling and share our emotions so any time you feel the need please feel free to send me a message and I will do my best to help you though as I'm sure will many others.

Best wishes and remember  to take care of yourself as well as your partner.

Regards

Dave