Steroids given in the final weeks of life.....

Hi Cupcake84

Sorry to hear your Mum is deteriorating quite quickly and it must be doubly difficult at this time of year when you are trying to care for her and organise Christmas too.  

My husband had terminal cancer and in his last months was given steroids as he wanted to have the energy to attend our niece's wedding back in September.  Like you say the change is remarkable.  Just like your Mum, he picked up and started eating again, he had more energy and was more chatty.  We did attend the wedding and stayed there longer than I had thought he would be able too.

It was like he had been given a boost.  The Dr reduced the steroids after a couple of weeks but by then I had noticed they were not having the same effect anyway and he started to deteriorate again.

As you say the outlook for your Mum remains the same but try to take each day and do what she feels able to do and enjoy this time with her.  The Dr's were never able to say exactly 'how long' my husband had left and like you I felt very frustrated by this, but all you can do is what you have been doing, caring for her and being by her side.  Hopefully you have family or friends that can give you a break too as you need cared for as well.

Sending hugs to you and your Mum and I know you will find the strength to keep going (because its what we do as carers!) 

Pat

Hi Cupcake84,

My hubby had steroids for months before his death. They do have an excellent anti inflammatory effect. We tried weaning him off a couple of times but unwanted symptoms would return, so they just found the optimum dose and kept him on it. I don't have experience of bowel liver or lungs, so maybe a chat with the specialist nurse would be a good idea?

I would not worry about what they tell you as far as timing. They will say weeks and our loved ones rally and are still with us months later. My own husband was transferred to a hospice, deemed to be in his final days, and survived another month. I think they say weeks knowing life is fragile and changes can occur suddenly and they want you to be prepared but you can't really do that. 

So forget the time line, if your mum has good days, enjoy them. As we all say, each day as it comes.

Hugs Birdfeeder x

Hi Pat

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes I fear the steroids will not work for very long but as you say, it at least helps regain a bit of normality for a short while. 

Im stronger than I thought I’d be but my emotions are like a rollercoaster. Feeling devastated and tearful one minute, numb and in denial the next, running on autopilot simply focusing on meeting her needs then feeling so exhausted and fed up the next. But I guess this is normal. 

I love my mum dearly and as I’ve already lost my dad This is tearing me apart as I know how hard it’s going to be. 

Big hugs xxx

Thank you Birdfeeder. Some good advice.... You’re right just take one day at a time. 

Its like having a gun pointing at your head, but not knowing when someone is going to pull the trigger. 

I hope mum fights it as much as your husband clearly did. It’s amazing how people can defy the odds. 

Much love xxx

Aw Cupcake you take me back a few months to when I was caring for my husband and that's how I felt too - numb, on autopilot taking care of him, exhausted, fed up and angry.

Sorry to hear your Dad has already passed away and yes you know what is coming, and, no words can make it any easier for you except keep posting as we are listening.

Its amazing how strong we are and we don't realise til we are stuck on this rollercoaster, but strong or not there are still times I want to shout and scream at the unfairness and suffering caused by this awful disease and that I have to now live without my husband.

My Mum passed away last year but I still have my Dad and he got extra cuddles today, so all you can do is cuddle your Mum and keep doing what you are doing.

Thinking of you and sending hugs

Pat

Thank you Pat. You’re right we have this inner strength that somehow allows us to cope with the unimaginable. But it tears at our heart and makes us feel so worn out. 

Its so hard coz I’m starting to feel a bit angry at my mum... which I then feel so guilty about. She has always been so warm and caring but she doesn’t want to say anything sentimental or talk about anything. I feel she is being selfish as I am the one who will be left behind and I also worry that she will regret this approach when she becomes too weak to talk. But I know it is her choice and she is the one right in the middle of all of this. I just want my mum to say all the things I want to hear. 

Hugs back to you xxx

Hope everything went okay for you and your mum