Living alone with cancer

Pollensa said:

Hello again Wayne. You are so kind and helpful. I knew about the buddy scheme but was originally worried that I would need to be entertaining! Now though, I think perhaps having given it more thoughit may be really helpful. I will have a look at this too. Thank you Wayne  

That's great to hear, Pollensa. I hope it goes well if you do decide to get involved. Perhaps you might let us all know how you get on? No pressure, of course!

Thanks for the lovely feedback, too. I work with Wayne - Online Community Team  so I will make sure I pass on your kind words.

Oh, absolutely Wayne. I will.  ️

I’ve lived on my own for most of my life, apart from going to work. I learned to adapt by picking up skills I never had time for when I was younger and working. The challenge of learning keeps me motivated and helps me avoid dwelling on subjects that might lead to dark thoughts. There have been many times in my life when I could have lost it, and times when life felt so difficult that my GP called it situational depression. After feel depressed for over two years in my mid 30's my health was so bad I had chronic back pain and trouble walking. Then one day, I was in a pub nursing a pint when some guy looked over at me and said, “Man, you really look like you need a hug.” I think that was the moment I decided I wasn’t going to feel like a victim for the rest of my life. Most importantly, I realized I didn’t enjoy feeling depressed. The only thing my depression ever got me was sympathy, which did nothing to ease my pain. I remember around that time, a Ukrainian woman I chatted with online told me to be “strong,” even as her city was being bombed. Not long after that, the pain I’d been carrying started to fade away.  I also have high blood pressure and diabetes, and I caught Hepatitis E 14 years ago and the specialist at the hospital told me I probably had between 11 days to month to live. I was more worried about all my unpaid bills etc. So I survived that one and COVID. Anyway, enough said. I hope this message sounds positive and helps someone out there.

Hello subongo,

• Samaritans have a line you can call at any time, every day of the week. Whatever you're going through, a Samaritan is available to face it with you. You can call them free on 116 123 (they are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year).
• Mind is a UK-based mental health charity, which you can call on 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 for mental health support.

We would always recommend discussing how you are feeling with your GP or medical team. If you need help and it’s outside of your GP’s opening hours, please call the non-emergency NHS 111 on 111 for England and Scotland. NHS Direct Wales on 0845 46 47 if you are from Wales. If you’re in Northern Ireland, you can find details of an out of hours service here.

I hope this helps, 

Hello Lizzie. II do not suffer from depression. At 66 years old, I feel that all my past struggles and experiences have helped me focus on the positive things in life. The offer to help. The only thing I miss these days is human company to talk to. Online chatting can get pretty stressful for me with all the typing, typos and sometimes my messed-up grammar, spelling, and diction.

Been through the whole process by myself except for the two initial appointments where they had me back for more checks and then to say yes triple neg cancer (which my sons attended one each). 

After that no phone calls or how are you unless i phoned to ask if they could help which usually was met with 'i would but....' so i stopped asking,  which kinda ended up with 9 months of radio silence and not seeing grandchildren etc. 

Got really tired of ppl saying how brave i was and how amazingly strong i was doing it by myself like it was a kind of choice. Not a single person saw how broke i was inside or how broken i remain.

It feels like the world continued without me and could honestly continue without me still .....which is sad but true.

I gave up reaching out to friends and family because either the times i picked up the phone or sent a message werent the best or everyone was just extremely busy but unfortunately no one seemed to have a moment to spare me 

But im still here chemo ,surgery done awaiting the next steps and awaiting next year to hurry up and arrive 

It's completely understandable missing human company when living alone. If you feel comfortable, there are local organisations and support groups that offer companionship and social activities. Age UK local branches provide timetables for coffee mornings, craft clubs, exercise classes, and lunch groups. You can search for nearby activities on the Age UK social activities page or call their advice line on 0800 678 1602.

Hi Dragonfly1,

I really appreciate you sharing your experience with others.

Hi I was diagnosed with cancer on the 6th of August 

Hi BigA really sorry to hear that you got such bad news. I was diagnosed with cancer 4 months ago and have had two surgeries since then. So here goes with my advice for what it's worth.

I'm sure you are already doing this but I wasn't and quickly had to adjust. Shopping online a massive help. Community transport volunteers to help with hospital visits. Packed bag with essentials just in case at some point you have to call an ambulance or go into hospital v short notice. 

Friends. Unfortunately some for whatever reason may not remain close try to find out who will and won't check in with you for milk , bread etc delivery and of course those who are prepared to stay close when the going gets tough. The pain of seeing who you thought we're close drift away is pretty hard and you don't want that as treatment begins.

Sick notes and finance.

I stayed up for many nights reading about my cancer it did help me with terms and treatment and research. I found it helpful but it's a personal thing .

I had an adverse reaction to medication so do check if you have ever had any adverse reactions in your past that medication etc prescribed going forward won't do this again.

Oh and I asked my surgeon if we could just stop and sit quietly . The room fell silent I felt my inner fear drift away and I looked up at him able to listen without that internal turmoil. That one really worked well I think he was taken aback by the short silence but it was just 30 seconds .

Look after yourself.

Kind regards 

Flukka 66