Anyone awake?

Hi Sinkorswum.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's illness and the 'survivor's guilt' you're experiencing too.

I'm a carer for my fella and have been where you are so totally get it.  Don't feel guilty as it's not your fault and I'm pretty certain you're his rock and do everything in your power to help him through this rotten time.

My advice is not to consult Dr Google, if possible, as more often than not it'll scare the living hell out of you and make you feel even worse.

I'm relatively new to all this and although it's turned our world upside down, my H and myself are battling on and determined not to be conquered by this brutal disease.

The constant worry, however, has impacted my ability to get some quality sleep so I joined the Awake and up all night thread where like-minded folk, and fellow insomniacs, provide welcome relief and advice.  It's usually lighthearted and steers us away from relentless stress.  It's certainly given me respite and I enjoy posting there.

If you want to, have a look at my profile which explains why I'm here.  I'm so glad I joined the community as I've gleaned tons of advice from the knowledgeable, kind and supportive people here.

Wishing you and your husband all the best and take care.

Gill xx 

 Sinkorswum I hope you don't mind me popping in here. I'm Steph, part of the team who look after the Online Community here at Macmillan. 

I was sorry to read that you were struggling last night and I hope you found it helpful to be able to share with the community.

As Gill kindly shared (thank you Gill H !), there is a new space for members to chat through the night - I will link to it for you, so it's easier to find - Awake and up all night.

You might also find it helpful to join the Carers only forum which is a dedicated space for supporting family/friends to connect and share support. 

Please do let us know if you would like any further support 

Thank you for your kind reply. I thought I was on an all night forum? I find navigating the Macmillan website very difficult. I know that’s my problem, being older, but I do. as as my husband. Heading off now, they bought the scan forward. Thanks again for replying. X

Thank you Gill for your kind reply. It’s all a bit crap at the moment, and there are many here on this page in far worse situation than me, I get that. I will join the Carers forum, and I will look into you further when I can work out how to do it. Thank you again for your kind words.

You're very welcome, love.

I didn't know what I was doing either, when I first joined and still make mistakes.

I'm on the carer's only forum, too, as well as head and neck and larynx cancer, so we might bump into each other at some point.

Wherever you choose to frequent, be assured you'll receive a warm welcome and support.

Best of luck for the scan!

Gill xx 

Thank you, this was throat cancer in 2018, coming up to 5 years…and found it had metastases to a lung. 
gave him 1-2 years, horrid but necessary palliative treatment most of last year, has got him into his second year, or 7th, but still here. Thank you again xx

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that my lovely.  Whatever the future holds, always stay strong for each other - don't let this monstrous disease ever drive a wedge between you.  Reading your posts convinces me it won't.

I'll admit that in the early days, when H was hospitalised for over three months, it had a damn good go at us.  I visited him every day apart from three days due to snow and no public transport, but we were becoming strangers because of the long separation.  He was depressed as he'd had a TL and had no voice anymore, and I was totally wiped out and cried most of the time in our empty house.  It was the worst time for us both.

We got there though, and are now stronger than ever.  Cancer couldn't destroy our love and respect for each other.

I'm so glad your husband's battling on and I really hope he exceeds the doctor's expectations by a long, long way xx

I strongly advise you to join the carer's only group as you'll be amongst others who'll be able to relate and offer comfort and support.

It's a harrowing time for all of us whom cancer digs its claws into, but I believe, one day, it will be beaten.

Sending you both hugs and strength.

Gill xx