Awake and up all night

Had a chuckle there Gill. Hope you are keeping  well my lovely. I have got my supply of muller fruit corners so been tucking into them. Big hugs and best wishes.xxx

Yes it seems like a dream to me. It is hard to come to terms with. I feel sorry for the young ones like my son. He went through chemo and radio last year and I was wishing it was me instead of him. Careful what you wish for. He remained positive throughout but he has only just told me he had his dark moments. Sending all my love james.xxx

Think I will try bed again james. Best of luck to you. Try and get some sleep.xxx

Thanks Soc. I think we all have dark moments if we are really honest. It's being able to face them and realise cancer is not forever and it will be over at some point. We can then look back and say to ourselves we got through it despite the hardship. Apparently whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger! I'll be off to bed soon, just finishing my nebuliser. Sleep tight!

Morning Sonia, and you too, James.

I've just woken up from my usual two hours, but I want to reply to both of you now as I'm so sorry how you're hurting.

Although it wasn't me it happened to, I do understand the almost unreal feeling of this isn't happening when cancer hits. Going back eighteen months now, OH had finished work on the Friday teatime and we were both looking forward to the weekend -  shopping at Morrisons in the morning and to my eldest's for a visit. It didn't happen like that as I could see OH wasn't great, so went shopping locally, by myself, instead. Long story short, by the Saturday evening he was in A&E before being transferred to another hospital in the early hours of Sunday morning. And that was it - he didn't come home again for three and a half months. Our lives turned upside down within 24 hours. The whole thing was so suddenly devastating, so I can understand how shocking it's been for you both.

But an awful lot's changed since then, loads of things life changing for him and many others extremely difficult for us both, but we've adapted and he's still here, for the longest time we fervently hope.

That's what I'm trying to convey, that if you can just take things day by day, trust your doctors, and your instincts as well, and keep moving forward you'll both eventually reach the goal of wellness. It will most likely be a lengthy, sometimes filled with potholes journey, but you will get there. The folk in this wonderful little group will all urge you on and always be here whenever you need us. You've both already started helping the rest of us yourselves with messages of support and good words of advice. That's what each and every one of us here does, even when things are bad on the home front, as that in itself heals.

Sonia and James, you're not alone in this as we've all got each other, strangers but with a powerful bond.

And here endeth the lesson from preacher Gill, aka as vampira by our very own Ukiboy, the cheeky beggar! I hope you guys can get some quality sleep for the next few hours. Sending you both love and hugs xxx

I remember the clinic phoning us seven months ago and just dropping the bombshell over the phone. Wonderful way to do it, not. I cried for about 10 minutes.At first time was taken up with appointments, treatment and consultants. I think in the beginning, like all of uyI couldn't quite believe it..The hardest thing for us is accepting that there's nothing we can do about it and as Gill says, just going with the flow. It's a new existence and there are dark times. All we can do is have hope and look to each other for love and hope and not beat ourselves up. One day might be okay, one day might be shit. I'm going to carry on giving you support and I know you will be there for me

I think the hardest times are mornings when we wake to another day of getting by. Especially if OH is aching and has had a bad night. At the moment she's having nightmares which is not great.

Morning everyone..

I'm up and about after getting some sleep last night. Think it was exhaustion after the previous night with very little sleep.  1st chemo tomorrow - dreading it. Going to sort my bag out in a bit and then get some shopping done.

The boys have school tomorrow so trying to keep everything as normal as possible today for them.

I'm so grateful I came across this thread. Reading your posts is definitely making me feel less alone.

Hope everybody has a peaceful Sunday x

Hi Rie. You're a hero keeping it all together for your boys. Love Ukiboy 

Good luck with chemo. It's not as frustrating as you might think. Take a book or something to listen to. Likelihood is you'll fall asleep.