Awake and up all night

I am off to bed now Gill. Sweet dreams.xxx

Just respectfully watching. Good night Soc. Sleep well.  Ray xx

You too Sonia. Let's hope we both get some sound sleep tonight. Night night hon, big hugs xxx

Thank you

So kind of you x

I'll be thinking of you when you are both attending ENT. I hope they inspect thoroughly but do not find anything of note. 

I'll be having a scheduled catheter change later tomorrow afternoon at Urology. It should not be a big deal but I've had a couple of very reddish bags earlier this month, with associated pain. I am worried that the procedure will be more painful than usual or cause bleeding, then they will keep me there for longer.  I wish they could just sedate me at home in my armchair, cart me off to do things, then return me to my chair at home when they have finished to wake me up.

We will no doubt catch up with news later today because it is already tomorrow.  Ray xx

Thanks Ray, and good luck with your procedures, which I really hope won't be painful for you hon.

Right, another attempt at getting off which I hope not to bodge up this time. Night Ray, and sweet dreams my lovely xxx

Thank you Gill

Hubby isn't well with the infection and everything, he's not strong and they said he wouldn't be strong enough for surgery anyway.

He wasn't great this evening. 

He cant go home until the chemo allows the throat to open. But he is so weakened now the chemo will be hard.

Thanks Gill, there's no escaping it, l just feel heartbroken 

They didn't spell it all out but its not looking great due to how ill he is now.

I'm hoping he does take an upturn for the better.

I know how l feel must be how l would feel but its such a shock.

The consultant and nurse are robotic they were emotionless and didn't say where we could get help, nothing. 

I was there during the pandemic with my father when he was told he had 12 weeks to live.

It wasn't much better that time really, though the guy was a more gentle character.

Beats me, l was a Samaritan for 10 years and l put as much care in the first call l ever took to the last call. Oh well, so sorry for not having great news to share.

Hope others are ok tonight.

A friend said during the pandemic its a bit like Noah's Ark, we are all in the same boat but in different stalls.

True here. Give us all strength to go slowly forward as best we can x

Hi Ray

Replying to you here as l read your message went back to reply and can't find. 

Will read it again when l can find it. Thank you so much for writing the reply. Hope all going ok with you x

Hello Dingg.  What can I say? You have a huge weight on your shoulders and are handling it with dignity and compassion. We are all flooding the airwaves with hugs for you and your dear husband, willing the chemo to assist him to face further treatment and recovery. Love Ray xx

I couldn't get off to sleep without talking to you first Dingg.

I'm so sorry for what you're both going through sweetheart, and cold, detached behaviour from nursing staff doesn't help at all. It's all wrong and I'm heartbroken for you, as I remember those times all too well.

All I can offer is, despite how things are right now, that hubby is in the best place should he need immediate attention. Those three and a half months OH was in hospital were grim, but I knew I wouldn't have coped if he'd been at home, besides which he had a tracheostomy and was hooked up to all sorts.

I can't tell you how much I want your hubby to start improving, so they can get on with the chemo and whatever else needs to be done. Dig down for all the strength you can muster sweetheart. Make yourself a cuppa and try to be calm until you go in again later today hon. You're honestly both in my thoughts for much of the time, and I'm so hoping you'll get through this awful time and come out the other side.

Sending you both my love and the very best for everything sweetheart xxx