Awake and up all night

Night Ray  sleep well, lovely xxx

Fascinating. Do you think eating out could become enjoyable again? Hmm taste and smell. Supposedly most taste is actually smell. 

I do know that digestion begins before you put owt in your gob! In hospital I only got water initially until some bright spark suddenly realized other liquids were permitted and gave me a pub stylee bottle of pineapple juice. Bad idea!

Then you get a little bowl of sort of grey slurry! Dipped spoon in, started to raise it and WHAM! Acid eruption!

I was then told I needed to put spoon into mouth and quickly follow it with generic Gaviscon. 

Well we all know hospitals. There is the 'food' round and two hours later the meds round. So I managed to capture the bottle and keep it. 

Consternation when I said it would be self administered!  Oh no! Oh yes!

Seriously, was I going to Gaviscon myself to death?

Cheers 

 That all sounds ghastly too!

Yes, I think OH's having me on about being able to smell and taste his food like in days of yore, but he obviously still gets hungry and eats as well as can be expected.

About the eating out - it's like something's always there to remind him (not channeling Sandy Shaw btw) that places, food etc are now associated BC (before cancer) and it's created a stumbling block that needs to be resolved, otherwise we'll have melancholic tears every time we attempt it.

Does any of the above even make sense? Think my brain's winding down xxx

Makes perfect sense. I keep saying this but we keep need reminding .. non of this is normal... we shouldn't be able to cope with any of it and yet we find extraordinary resources and do .. and still beat ourselves up when not winning gold medals.

Any news on the counselling? Would OH find male company enjoyable? The men's shed style group could be a thing. Less a formal spill and challenge more a no pressure just mooch but we won't fall apart if you do sort of a situation.

Presumably no wait list either. Would they need to agree to act and be schooled in 'corrective aid' for OH should he need it?

Cheers

I'll tell you the phrase that really grinds my gears - this is the new normal - aagghh!

Nothing remotely normal about any of it.

Now we've got ENT clinic a week on Wednesday and I'll be on to them about his counselling as they referred him initially. OH will cry, obviously, but I'll lay it on extra thick and may even turn the taps on myself for additional drama, even though I don't do public tears. I'll see how it goes.

I reckon I'll have to press gang him into joining a club as his confidence has taken a battering. Hell fire, so many hurdles and my knees aren't up to all the jumping.

Are you ready for rest time now hon? You might have another busy day ahead xxx

Oops! There you are. Today was club bingo and of course there was drama. Almost out door when Scooterless rang. Drainage bag had come off!

Stressy to the rescue. Shot round there and put his nurse demonstrated skills to the test for the first time in repairing it.

I actually got to club before them which never happens but they had both forgotten their glasses and pens!

We didn't win.

Then Stressy and I had a curry and game of pool. Boy do I need practice..Stressy teamed up with some kids

Ok I will say nyt and attempt the sleep thing. Hope you get some too.

Sweet dreams.

I thought you'd conked!

Three cheers for Stressy to the rescue! Well done, that man!

Ooh, I used to be red hot at pool, think having OCD helped massively.

Aye, time to get my head down and you try to get the sleep  thingy working too. Night sweetheart, sweet dreams xxx

Good morning RayMK, Gill, Shimmers, Helen, Sonia, Uki, Julie and all in group. Hope youve all managed to get a good nights sleep. 

The B12 injections are getting more painfull for some reason one of the nurses suggested it could have been due to the fact they had changed supplier. I can remember having the BCG in school and that hurt too lol. 

Getting in to Fresh bedding is the best feeling in the world and seems to make us fall asleep sounder for some reason. 

Heres hoping you all have a lovely monday. I am feeling so much more human today it is day 14 after my final infusion. Food is starting to taste nice again, my hair is growing back, energy levels are uncreasing by the day. Im hoping things will stay this positive. 

I have my CT scan on thursday which is really scarey if im honest is this normal. 

Take care xxxx

Hi yes chemo takes everything doesnt it. Ive lost 3 stone and my skin feels awful. Where ive felt so tired all the time i havent felt like walking much and ive lost loads of muscle mass. Im hoping as i start to feel stronger that i can walk more and start to tone everything back up. Do you mind me asking if thats how you feel too. 

Hospital dont really give much advice i havent found on how to improve fitness etc. 

Xxx

No problem Amanda.

I haven't lost that much weight but I've definitely lost muscle tone and strength. Since my latest stay in hospital, my balance isn't 100% either, although it's manageable. I used to swim and felt really good from it but haven't been allowed to go since diagnosis in March.

You're right, it's hard to maintain any fitness with all this going on!! xxx