Awake and up all night

hope you havent had anymore rose moments.xxx

Thanks. 4 on Monday, 1 on Tuesday morning and none so far today. I have not been out shopping for several days but will look for eye drops when I do. I hope your antibiotic eye drops quickly calm the conjunctivitis.

If I'm to avoid my catheter blocking and keep it going until the scheduled replacement (8 week intervals), I need to carry out the first flush in the next day or two, then on alternate days for the remaining time. That may restart the rosé problems. It is a bit of a balancing act, like many treatment regimes.  xxx

i understand ray. thank you the conjunctivitis is calming down already 1 drop every 2 hours.

sssshhh I think most have gone. It's been quite a day and watching the football drama must be good for my flubber

Awe some folk have not been so well today. Cotton wool hugs all round ... unless anyone prefers a strong bear hug? Oi! That's   not bare! Tsk!

Ok going to stretch out and try a Zzzzz

Nyt ... though may be back!

Gosh, so many people out there tossing and turning, partly nice to know I’m not alone. 
Im having a real meltdown at the moment, my 87 year old Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer back in Feb this year, it’s metastasised to his bones and bladder. He went into a hospice Monday last week as he keeps getting urinary infections due to Catheter as he can’t pee. He has systematically got worse, he had a CT scan recently to see if any spread to his brain, thankfully there isn’t but the scan showed signs of memory loss and possible dementia. His wish was to be at home but I live 3hrs away, visit every other week but when I’m not here it leaves my 87 yr old Mom to look after him. We have convinced Mom that a nursing home is the way to go as CHC only offer 4 visits per day and 3 overnight visits so it would be impossible to care for him at home. This is a long one, so my apologies to those reading. Our concern with the nursing home is the care Dad will receive, at the moment he is on one to one care with the nurses for his safety as he keeps trying to get out of bed, his mobility is really bad and they are worried about falls, they rang me last night as he was very agitated and very very confused and I’m worried what will happen when he is in the nursing home when this happens.
 Just reaching out to see if anyone has similar experience of this, how do you find nursing homes, how do you cope with the guilt of putting someone in a nursing home and not giving up your life to care for them? 

When I’m not here with Mom and Dad I worry constantly whilst at home, I find the lack of support from the professionals quite sporadic. The hospice staff are amazing and can’t do enough, the palliative care team much less so and I really don’t know where to go from here.

Any help, advice, thoughts anyone may offer would be greatly appreciated.

I thank you and wish you a good day. 

Hello HelpingDad 

We had the same issues with the wife's dad - we did care for him at home for almost 2 years, but it's hard looking after someone you love and being "on call" 24 hours a day. He did go into a Nursing Home for respite when we had a holiday and he loved it - in fact that's one reason why he ended up there. Don't feel the guilt for not being there to look after him yourself - it's not that easy.

As to a choice of homes - we viewed several before we picked one. The one we picked you could visit without appointment, and knowing we could just turn up helped both in choice and visiting.

You say dad's getting agitated and confused - this may well be down to the UTI's he keeps getting - it's amazing the side effects of a UTI - it can bring on all types of reactions. You don't say if dad is on any treatment for his cancer but if he's on Hormone Therapy, this can bring on "brain fog" (don't I know it - I have to write stuff down otherwise I forget it).

You are doing your best for dad in the circumstances, it's natural to feel worry and guilt but you just have to trust the professionals who are looking after him.

Best wishes - Brian.

Thank you Brian.

Yes the home we have chosen is any time visiting, no appointment and it looks lovely, so we will have to have faith in them and at the end of the day if it doesn’t work then we will have a think of a plan B, I’m praying he takes to it though.

He isn't on any treatment, he has other issues and it was felt that any other treatment would affect this so he is just having treatment for the pain and confusion. I don’t know why I didn’t think yesterday that it may be another infection, he had a temperature and confusion, this is the 5th time now I should have seen the signs. Just spoke to the hospice, he is equally as confused this morning so they will be testing him later. 

I keep telling my Mom she must trust in the system, maybe I have to try and start taking my own advice.

Thank you again.

Tracey. 

Hi HelpingDad,I’m sorry to hear about your dad.I was my late mum’s sole carer until I got bladder cancer.She had suffered a brain haemorrhage followed by strokes.I became too ill to look after her and initially had to put mum into a care home for respite care.I did feel guilty at first but there was no other option.She was well looked after and I promised her she could come home once I had recovered from surgery.Eight months after my operation mum came home.I had to have the help of two carers as mum had advanced dementia by this time.It was a struggle for me even with their help but I coped for 5 months.Then one day mum’s pulse rate shot up and I had to call an ambulance.She spent some time in hospital and then was discharged to the local community hospital for rehabilitation.The care there was not the best and mum ended up back in hospital.Eventually after discussion with social services it was felt that mum needed full time nursing care and I would not be able to provide that myself even with the help of carers.She went into a nursing home.Unfortunately due to the pandemic it was the only home open that could take mum and was not that near to me.When I was able to visit I could see that the care was good and the staff had placed mum in the next door room to their office where she could be easily monitored.Sadly mum no longer recognised me or my sister.The dementia reached end stage and mum was totally dependent on the staff.She died a year after being admitted and we were able to be with her during her last few days.I did feel guilt at first but with end stage dementia it would not have been any better had mum been at home.She still would have required 24 hour care which I would not have been able to provide.I fought for nursing care funding for her and won.It is a very difficult situation for you and your family but being a carer is tough especially if someone is elderly or sick themselves.Look around and see what homes are available and what type of care they provide.Mum was not accepted at some due to her dementia.The social care worker found the nursing home mum ended up in and we had made a lot of enquiries beforehand.I hope this helps.Best wishes Jane 

Hi Jane

Thank you for replying.

Sorry to hear you’ve been ill and sorry about your Mom.

Not sure luckily is the right word but I’ll use it, luckily we have full funding through CHC so the nursing home will be fully paid for and although I’m feeling the guilt I know deep down it’s the right thing to do for both Mom and Dad, we just have to have faith in the system and try to make Dads life as comfortable as possible. We may be very surprised and find that he actually enjoys it, time will tell.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply, it certainly does help speaking to others.

Beat wishes to you. Tracey.

Hi Tracey,It sounds like you have found a good place for your dad.I’m glad you have funding it will help not having to battle the financial side.It’s hard not to feel guilt.I felt so bad putting mum into respite care at the beginning but she loved the staff and was a favourite with them.She settled in quickly.I cared for her for nearly 16 years at home.I did my best and mum did appreciate all I did.You do have to decide what is best for everyone.I hope your dad will settle in well.Confusion is common with infections especially urinary infections so that may be why your dad is confused at the moment.Jane x