Let's talk about dating and cancer

Hi Gill, thank you for such a lovely message.

My trips out were the same for a while, as I couldn't get far. I would be picked up in a car by a neighbour or NHS transport or a taxi, taken to my appointments (for months I had several most weeks) then taken home. For a few months now though, I've been able to go out a lot more on my own and on the bus or walking. What's stopping me lately is this dreaded diarrhoea! I'm so scared of having an "accident" while out. Sometimes I risk it anyway, and I've had some breaks in the medication so have managed to get out them too. I still never meet anyone despite desperately wanting to. It looks a bit odd to talk to strangers on the street and they'd probably call the police. 

The only reason I haven't joined the Awake group is because I'm not awake at night usually. Is it more of a 24 hour chat thing? Maybe I've misunderstood it's purpose.

I have wanted to write to more people on the private message system here, and I do stay in touch with one person. I always feel uncomfortable making new contacts though, as I'm not used to people liking me and wanting to chat with me so I'm very used to rejection. I'd love to get to know more people and maybe I'll be braver about  it once the message system is working again.

Thanks again Gill for your kind message.  :) 

No worries at all.  Hey, we had the same as yourself, months of only getting out with either hospital transport or taxis.  Last week, coming home from clinic, we caught the shuttle bus partway home - the first time in almost a year we'd travelled together on a bus.  It felt liberating!  My fella has a problem with explosive mucous secretions, very problematic on public transport due to others' reactions.  But I put all that aside; people can either like it or lump it, and the secretions are calming down, finally.

Awake is for everyone about everything, and not just for those who have problems with sleeping.  Folk drop in all the time; I've just looked in and a lucky guy's in Austria on his holiday and sent a photo, too.  No pressure but maybe just have a look, to get the feel of it.

Whatever you decide, try not to let life get you down my lovely - I've stopped taking things for granted since realising it's a precious thing to have.

All the best my friend xxx

Hi Geoff,Awake is busy in the day too and everyone is friendly.I don’t post much there but you will get a warm welcome if you do look in.Take care love Jane x

Thanks Gill for replying and being so supportive and kind to me. I will remember about the Awake thread and check in there soon.

Today, I've taken a big step - Well little for most people but for a weirdo like me, it's a big deal. I went to the St Barnabas Hospice to check it out. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get there by bus, but it turns out it's easy and only a short walk from the bus stop. They have a meetup on Thursdays for people like me, as part of their "Living well" programme. I probably wouldn't want to do anything else they do related to that, but just the meetup to chat with people would be great for me. I spoke to them on the phone last week as part of their regular calls to check how I'm doing, and they told me then that they have a coffee shop and I could go there initially just to see the place and meet some people so I'd feel more comfortable going there on a Thursday.

Sorry if I've already written some of that, I know I did somewhere on these forums but can't remember if it was to you or someone else.  :)  Anyway, I wasn't planning on going today but earlier I just decided I would. I took a shower, got ready, grabbed my teddy (not really) and left. My Mum kindly came with me for moral support too.

The coffee shop was closed, but honestly it didn't make any difference to my visit. I spoke to one of the staff who was extremely friendly, welcoming and kind. She said I could walk around and see the place, have a seat, get a drink from the machine, etc.. So I did that and it's a lovely beautiful place. I then went back to the same lady before leaving to ask a few questions, and to make sure she knew who I was and that I was already on their books. She encouraged me to go back on Thursday, and told me lots of people who aren't residents go and just sit and chat.

So that's half the battle dealt with and I will go this Thursday if my body allows it, or if I can't, I plan to as soon as I can - Not with my Mum though next time.

Take care Gill,
Geoff.

Thank you Jane, I'll definitely take a look very soon.

I would have told you what I just told Gill in my reply to her, but to save me typing it again, please have a read of my last message so you know what I did today. 

That’s brilliant,I’m so pleased you went and I hope you will go back again.You have made the first step and it should be easier now.It sounds like a lovely place.Take care Love Jane xx

Thank you! Yes it's a very nice looking place. I only spoke to one staff member today but I've met many of them who have visited me at home and spoken to others on the phone in recent months, and everyone is lovely. The place is spacious and has a lovely garden area. From what I see on a map, there is more of a garden with a small lake that I didn't see today, but is probably out for back just for residents.

I have every intention of going back ASAP and I hope my anxiety or my bodily functions don't stop me.

Aw Geoff, I'm so totally happy for you; for taking the bull by the horns and making that step.  Excellent work you, and so proactive as well.  Unless you brim with confidence, some things can be daunting but you weren't put off and well done mum, for going along too. 

I really hope you will make it a Thursday date, as the hospice sounds wonderful and you really have nothing to lose by going.  Hey, hopefully you'll have everything to gain and meet people who could become good friends. 

Well, you've made my day Geoff, you really have.  From the despondency earlier to upbeat now, it's refreshing to read.  And you're not a weirdo!

Keep smiling and hugs xxx

I’m sure you will get back there and make some friends.You are not a weirdo,you are a good friend.x

Oh but I am a weirdo Gill! Get to know me better and you'll see how weird I am. Teehee. I might have something to lose by going, if my body decides to embarrass me by......well ya know. I shall just hope for the best.

It's nice of you to say that I made your day. 

My mood often changes in a second, depending on what happens in my day. I don't seem to be able to stay consistent!