Let's talk about dating and cancer

A good weirdo friend? Hehe. I appreciate it Jane, as are you. 

Snap!  Many folk I've known thought I was absolutely bonkers.  It might be because I don't have hang ups and mainly just crack on with life.  I was constantly getting told off for having no control over laughing when I was working.  The slightest thing would set me off and I held a responsible position, too.  But I did work with kids who had challenging behaviour and they loved seeing an adult lose the plot.  I became their confidant and they'd tell me all manner of things.

Anyway, good to see you on Awake, but don't start chatting through the night otherwise you'll get wrecked.  I only need around three or four hours, so I've found my perfect place.

Laters and hugs xxx

Hi Beefy, I'm sorry for the late reply my friend, appointments, one of which was at my hospice, which I've been going to many years as a volunteer, and for the last 18 months to the day hospice,  mostly, which is fab for meeting people, staff and patients who will never judge you, and if a weirdo like me can make friends there, I  see no problems for  you.

I see Gilly and Jane have been chatting, lovely people, caring and supportive like most of us with cancer are, there will be people just like us at the hospice who will look forward to getting to know you my  friend, cancer is an awful disease, but it's amazing how it brings out the best in so many of us.

Eddie

Oh I used to be awful Gill for laughing. I didn't grow up emotionally until I was in my 30's and I'd laugh at everything. I'll give you some examples. Where I used to work, I had to sometimes have dealings with a man at another company called Mr Duck. That name had me in stitches every time. My boss introduced me to him the first time I met him, and he knew full well I'd laugh, so he didn't warn me. He just brought him up to me and introduced him, and I SWEAR he intentionally over pronounced "Duck". I was in a terrible state.

I remember at the cinema in my 20's, sitting with a friend and I forget the name of the film, but it was a comedy with a line in it, "I've seen better film on teeth". I was in absolute hysterics for the rest of the film. It was so bad that my friend stood up and sat somewhere else as he was embarrassed to sit with me. Whenever another funny line was said, I exaggerated my laughing to try and get it out of my system.

At high school, the headmaster once came into our class to give us some bad news that a teacher had passed away. I didn't know she was sick so it was quite a shock. She was a good teacher and a nice lady. We were told to bow our heads for a minute to remember her. Well doing that made me laugh, and the boy next to me also laughed. I liked this teacher and was genuinely upset, but the act of bowing our heads was what was funny. WHY? I have no idea.

That reminds me of my junior school. It was C of E and sometimes we'd be taken to a church. When they prayed, we'd all have to kneel on some thick cushions on the floor. Imagine a load of under 11 year old kids doing that! All I could do was laugh uncontrollably the whole time.

I'm sorry but I have to tell you this too. When I was about 15, I was on a school trip for my geology class. We were at this place that had it's own tutors, and during a lesson this tutor had some graphics on the board at the front that showed lava spewing out of a volcano. You can probably imagine what else that might have looked like. Well our own geology teacher who was sitting with us started laughing so much that he had to walk out of the room. That set me off and I could barely breathe.

Great memories!

I told you I was weird.

Hi Eddie, you're very kind as always, thank you!

Yes I've known Jane for a while and she's lovely, and a good friend to chat with and vent to when I need to moan about life. I think I wrote to Gill on the forum a few months ago as well as recently (is there another Gill here?). Everyone here is great, as are you Eddie, and I'm so grateful to you all.

I'm really looking forward to going back to the hospice. Not that I like calling it that, as of course we all know what it's primary use is. What can I do though, that's what life has thrown at me and I can't change it. I am determined to go on Thursday and I just hope I enjoy it and don't end up sitting in a corner on my own. I'll need people to approach me rather than me going up to them. I'm very shy but once I start talking to people, I open up very quickly and come out of my shell.

Not weird but highly amusing.  Oh lordy!  That is funny, especially Mr Duck and the head bowing fiasco.  Love it!

You probably know about feel good endorphins, boosted by laughter?  I fully agree with that and intend to carry on laughing, as it makes others react more positively around you.  Unless you start sniggering at someone:s name, Mr Duck...

Hi again Geoff,  I  know I, and probably most of the guys on here have many stories of the uncontrolled giggles, reading yours had me laughing a little too much, meaning a quick dash to the loo, deary me, when will I ever learn, and your right my friend we have to make the most of the hand we've been dealt and even though most people believe wrongly  a hospice is for end of life care only, the day hospice is for everyone with a life shortening illness, to help them make the most of that time. My hospice provides access to a consultant, many specialist nurses, counselling, therapists, arts and crafts and social activities, so you needn't worry about nobody speaking to you, unless it's what you want, it will never happen, as someone else said a stranger is just a friend you haven't met.

Eddie 

I got digonosed with stage 3 breast cancer had a little girl was 5yrs old had no clue what was going on was a single mum she is now 10 and we have a happy healthy life x but I went through chemo redio and mastectomy and reconstruction taking my stomach away to make a breast x I been single 8 years I'm to a shamed to show my body to a man or myself so stay covered up and don't date 

Hi Marie, can I firstly say a big well done in getting through all your treatment, I'm so pleased for you and your now, not so little girl, that you will be there for each other for many years to come. My friend what you have been through whilst bringing up your  daughter shows what a strong, loving, and beautiful person you are, and you shouldn't feel anything but proud about yourself after everything you've been through.

You may be thinking what would I know, well I too have many scars from operations in the past and breasts as a side effect of my cancer, and I refuse to let it define me, also my eldest daughter has been through cancer twice, the 1st time with breast cancer, the 2nd with sarcoma of the breast and now has no bust whatsoever, and also refuses to let cancer win.

My daughter and I love swimming, and we have to put up with the occasional sarcastic remark, or staring, but my friend most people are good people, sure they may be curious at 1st but then they move past it and see the person, not the scars, Marie the vast majority of people are nice, and if you're not up to dating at this time how about socialising, there must be things you like, or would like to do, where you could meet like minded people, I love arts and crafts and have met many wonderful people, as I'm sure you would too, you've already shown how strong and resilient you are my friend, how about taking those 1st steps.

Eddie xx 

Hi Marie. I just saw your post and may I say how brave you are, to go through major surgery and raise your daughter in a happy and safe home. Big thumbs up for being a fantastic mum xx

I'm not the patient here but my mum also had a mastectomy; mind, she was 86 at the time but lived a further eight years very happily, and my siblings and myself looked after her, which was no hardship as she was a very jolly soul.

Hey Marie, about the dating - if you meet someone it's usually easy to tell, fairly quickly, if it's yourself they're interested in and not how 'perfect' they'd like you to be. It's also important that they respect your daughter, as she's the most important person in your life. I'm my fella's carer and his 'war wound' is very visible as he has a neck stoma. People stare sometimes but probably more out of curiosity, as it's fairly unusual. He's also got other battle scars elsewhere, where large areas of skin was taken to create new tissues for his throat. It's never bothered me one iota, and I know it wouldn't have if I'd been single and met him in another life.

Eddie's spot on that the vast majority is kind and supportive, so you must never hide from others and be proud you've come through a battle and won. When your girl is older, you'll have more time to socialise, maybe join groups as he suggested, and if romance isn't on the cards, it'll get you out to make new friends. Nothing is insurmountable.

Wishing you the very best and take care my lovely xxx