Sex and cancer - Let's talk

I got distracted by a knock at the door with 2 strapping lads delivering my new tumble dryer so I couldn’t answer fully!

Sarah xx

Very sorry to hear about your predicament. It might be worth trying the penile injection which I tried recently and found to be reasonably effective as long as you are not squeamish about needles which some understandably are. Worth trying all options I feel. Best wishes BM

Thank you Brian and Sarah, all sorted.

Eddie

Hello! I completely understand how cancer can change every aspect of life, including relationships and intimacy. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt disconnected from my body. The treatments—losing my hair, surgery, and chemotherapy—really affected how I saw myself, and I wasn’t sure how to be intimate anymore. But open conversations with my partner helped us navigate these changes together. I realized that intimacy is about connection, not just appearance or physicality.

I’m currently on Letrozole, which has its challenges like joint pain and mood swings, but I focus on staying strong. Gentle exercise and meditation have been helpful for me to reconnect with my body, even when it doesn’t feel like my own. Through this journey, I’ve learned to be patient with myself and take things one step at a time. Remember that it is extremely important to use only high-quality Letrozole for the best effect and minimize side effects.

If you’re going through this, my advice is to communicate openly with your partner and be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, and you are not alone in this. Cancer may change our bodies, but it doesn’t change who we are inside.

My husband has a metastatic spinal cord compression, caused by widespread kidney cancer.

Apart for the obvious pain, what affects him the most is the loss of control over his functioning. He still has the desire for sex but can't easily get or maintain an erection and if he takes meds to achieve this, the pain of trying is often heartbreaking.

We've tried a variety or positions and times of day but all it seems to do is leave him feeling lower than before as another possibility is removed. My reassurance that it isn't the most important part of our relationship (24 years together) just doesn't help. In his eyes, the cancer has left him less of a man than before.

We've spoken to the GPS who wasn't especially helpful or understanding. He gave us a prescription for Sildenafil. I guess the solution is just to reassue him as much as I can and  e there when he needs me.

Hi impala67, sorry to hear your husband has  MSCC, and the impact it's having on physical intimacy and his emotional state, and how it affects you, we have had a few problems over the last 18 months, we thought we were through them for a few months, but  something else came along. Often intercourse wasn't  possible and we had to find other ways of being intimate, I was lucky as our urology department had a nurse who specialised in sexual issues,  and was wondering if your hospital had one too, and a physiotherapist who could help with your husband's pains.

Eddie xx 

Thanks Eddiel. I'm back in hospital with him tomorrow for his radiation treatment. I can check out the nurses and see if they can help. Physiotherapy and Psychiatric Counseling are also being organised now by the hospital.

Your welcome, I too needed/have physiotherapy which has helped on many levels and counselling, which I hope are as helpful to your husband, my very best wishes wishes with radiotherapy tomorrow and in getting support with the intimate part of your relationship, though I do agree with you having your partner with you is far more important than the physical side, take care.

Eddie xx

I took direct injections (Trimix) with good success in achieving good errections. It is primarily a benefit for your wife as far as sexual orgasm is concerned. Although I get and stay erect however I can’t really orgasm. However the ability to be having sex with my wife makes me feel good even though I don’t orgasm. 

Hi Bill123, thank you so much for your post, I have had a few issues  with intimacy and intercourse, and due to a recent diagnosis, there will be more issues to follow, though I can still get an erection and orgasm"dry", intercourse, due to my recent diagnosis though not a problem, will cease due to a loss of bladder control when I have an erection and more so during orgasm, but my partners passion for sexual fulfilment will always be important to me, so we will find ways to make this continue,

Eddie