Sex and cancer - Let's talk

Many thanks 

Hello AngusP2, I'm new to this forum and scrolling down for the first time I was struck by how much your post chimed with my experiences and feelings. Your last but one paragraph summed it up for me - "...somehow after cancer I sometimes feel less "me", and the ED is an aspect of that." 

I've been married over 40 years and our sex life had subsided to an occasional mutually satisfying encounter, still important to me but not a predominant part of our relationship. I'm not a macho man and, when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and understood the possible after-effects, I didn't feel particularly bothered. For 6 months post surgery I felt reasonably confident and optimistic that my erectile function would eventually recover (my surgery was partially nerve sparing), but a year on now I realise that this is probably never going to happen. I have tried medication, but can't get on with the side effects, so now just use a pump occasionally, for penile health rather than in any hope of regaining erectile function.

I'm actually quite shocked at how badly this has affected me emotionally. As you say, I feel much less of a man. It's not about the practicalities of a sex life but more a deeply rooted sense of emasculation that seems to permeate my whole life. My wife is very understanding but that doesn't really help me. I'm struggling with this and guess I need some kind of counselling, but I don't know where to start looking for an appropriate resource.

I'd really appreciate advice from others who have experienced this.

Best wishes.

Good Afternoon Rebel49 

Thank you so much for opening up and contributing to this very important thread. You may well be aware of my earlier post in the thread and yes I too have ED, mine caused by Hormone Therapy.

To be honest, it's not affected me emotionally yet, however things may well change once the Hormones work their way out of my system next year. I think it's different for those of us on Hormone Therapy, in the fact our testosterone has been suppressed and this plays with your feelings and emotions.

I do however understand where you are with your own situation - it can't be a nice feeling knowing you have an issue that may or may not be resolved. You have my sympathy there.

We at Macmillan do offer free counselling to anyone affected by cancer and here's a link to this service:

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help/bupa-counselling-and-emotional-well-being-support

I do hope this helps and you are able to make use of this service. There is also our support line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days). They are a great bunch on the support line and they may also be able to help.

If I can do anything else for you please do let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.

Thanks Brian, that's a really helpful lead for me.

 Hi again Rebel49, and thank you for your deeply personal post, though I am so sorry to hear how difficult you are finding aspects of your life due to ED, I never had a prostatectomy myself, but I did/doo have intimacy issues which will probably end any form of intimacy, but I still have a little hope, as should you, regaining an erection post surgery can often take up to two years, and I'm sure the guys & ladies on the prostate forum could help too, As for counselling, Macmillan are working with BUPA offering 6 free telephone sessions, best wishes

Eddie

Thanks Eddie for your kind reply. I didn't know about the Macmillan/BUPA counselling until Brian mentioned it just now. I'll be following that up.

HI, it can be a bit of a postcode lottery with counselling, It may be worth contacting Maggies www.maggies.org they have cancer support specialists you could talk to open 9-5 weekdays, just pop in no appointment needed, take care

Eddie

Thanks Eddie

Hi Rebel 49,

Excuse me for asking but I wondered if you had ever tried the direct injections directly into the penis and if so to what degree of success if any?

Or anyone else for that matter..

Best regards 

BM

Hi BM, no sorry I haven't. I only just read about those recently and haven't given it much thought yet.