Sex and cancer - Let's talk

I'm Helen, 37. I was diagnosed with germ cell teratoma off the ovaries in 2018. I had one of them removed and was just under surveillance until it came back in 2022. I had chemotherapy (BEP) and a full historectomy. I am going to be having a 3rd operation to hopefully get all of the cancer out but this means I will be left with a colostomy and possibly a urostomy too. 

Are there any ladies on here that could give  me any advice? 

Hi Helenjayne and welcome to the group.  

As this is a general chat group, I hope you don’t mind me suggesting that you also join the ovarian group where you can connect direct with ladies who have gone through the same cancer, and also the Stoma forum, where you’ll find members like myself living well with both a permanent colostomy and a urostomy-this is a great group to ask questions and get advice. We have lots of tips on living with stomas! Just click on the links below and you’ll be able to join both groups. 

Ovarian Cancer Forum

Stoma Support Forum

Sarah xx

Thank you  will join those groups now. 

Hi everyone,

I decided to share my story as I see many people here facing similar challenges. I have cancer, and it has profoundly affected my life and my family's life.

My wife has always been my rock, and our relationship has been very strong. We've been together for 16 years, and we've gone through many difficulties, but cancer has been the toughest challenge yet. The diagnosis came out of nowhere, and everything changed since then.

Currently, I am taking several medications, including chemotherapy and painkillers. Specifically, I am on cisplatin and paclitaxel for chemotherapy, as well as morphine for pain management. These drugs help fight the disease but come with many side effects. Because of them, I often feel weak, nauseous, and exhausted. This, of course, affects my physical and emotional state, as well as my relationship with my wife.

Our intimate life after the diagnosis has become a real challenge. The treatment and its consequences have significantly reduced my libido, and sometimes I just don't feel strong or attractive enough. These changes have impacted our closeness, and it's been tough for both of us. We've had many conversations about it, tried to support each other, and looked for new ways to show love and intimacy that aren't necessarily tied to sex.

One of the biggest difficulties for us has been the feeling of helplessness and fear of the future. Sometimes I feel like I'm dragging my wife down with me, and this guilt is hard to bear. But every time I see her support and understanding, I realize how important it is to stay together and fight till the end.

If you're also facing these challenges, remember that you're not alone!

I feel the very same and IAM sure it affects most people also so we're not alone and we stay strong together always through thick and thin 

Hi MufflerBob and a very warm welcome to the group and thank you for for your honest and open post which illustrates very well the impact cancer has not only on you, but your partner, and the difficulties with intimacy and the importance of a wonderful partner. best wishes.

Eddie

Hi folks, 

I am now 19 weeks post radical robotic prostatectomy surgery and I believe on the road to recovery I am lucky enough to report. My first post surgery PSA was 0.01 with the next one due very soon.  My lovely partner and I have always enjoyed a very active sex life which alas has come to  bit of hiatus in terms of penetrative intercourse.  I have prescribed 5ml of Tadafinil to help with blood flow to the little fella. I've also tried upping the dosage and the cream recommended in the literature.  Next phase will be to try the vacuum pump (non NHS), for maintenance of a (healthy penis and then direct injections to provide a good quality erection. I shall feedback with my experiences in the hope that it might help others. All the best BM 

Hi BM, thank you for posting, great news with your PSA numbers fingers crossed your on the curable road, and hopefully you will find a way to resume an intimate relationship with your partner, I wish you every success on both counts and I'm certain many people will benefit from your experiences and hopefully share their own experiences to help each other, best wishes to you both.

Eddie 

Many thanks Eddie will feedback in due course

BM

thanks for sharing your experience