Sex and cancer - Let's talk

Hi Stephend 

Please make sure that you talk to your surgeon/consultant if you want to explore the possibility of reconstruction as this is a specialised area where you need the right information from the right people and potentially talks with plastic surgeons.

It’s absolutely possible to have a reconstruction of the vagina though it may not be suitable for everyone and it’s also very much a matter of personal choice. It’s also possible to have phalloplasty. 

I’m a bit concerned suggestions being made to you regarding what might be involved, where it could be carried out etc by someone who has no personal knowledge of the procedure.

Can I suggest that you start from scratch if you want to know more, by asking the medical professionals and forgetting what you have read from members who are not medical experts and have no relevant personal knowledge or experience of surgery. This is too important an area to rely on others assuming what might be possible. We should be talking about our own experiences. 

Can I just say, I DO understand what you might be feeling because I live with no vagina. This is rare so it’s hard to find anyone else who actually understands what that’s like. 

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah 

I will definitely be talking to the experts to see what, if any,  my options are.

That said, if there are any men reading this who have had the operation I would really appreciate your views…did it work, was it worth it, any physiological affects, etc 

Thank you.

Hi Stephend 

Have you posted in the penile cancer forum about the surgery? You might be more likely to get replies there which are relevant for you.

Very few people have actually contributed to this thread, so I’m not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for here. For me, nobody actually has the relevant experience to chat to me, so I’ll bow out and wish you well with whatever you can find out. 

Sarah xx

Hi ,I have gone through the whole shooting match and I'll be honest ,it didn't hit home for a while .I was just happy to be alive and that was all I cared about ,Boy was I in for a shock.while I was in hospital having the second draining lymph nodes removed as advised by my doctors my wife of 30 years decided to abandon myself and our two children .only once all my savings had been depleted. I honestly thought I would never find happiness again .but I will say that as the penectomy healed so did my heart,I had no idea what to expect or what I was capable of sexually,the hardest thing was telling new partners what I'd gone through ,I believed no one would want me and that's the hardest thing being a man's man.but I've become a more caring ,less selfish lover and yes I learnt how to orgasm again .I've had a handfull of lovers and because I am no longer controlled by the little head .only the one on my shoulders I enjoy sex more post surgery than I ever did and none of my lovers minded one bit in fact all understood my desire to have reconstructive surgery but were very clear it meant nothing to them so ten years on and I've not had it done,yes I do have down days but I believe it's how you feel about yourself that matters and I get gratification from satisfying my sexual partners and they respond in kind.i like to think of myself as inspector gadget,custom made for whomever I sleep with.sex shops are amazing these days and I think it makes me  better as I can custom fit myself to suit my lover I hope this helps and good luck

Hi Survivor 72,  & wow.  Thank you for sharing,  

Survivor72, you are an amazing man,

Eddie

Hi Survivor72 - Cracking post and thanks very much for sharing - well done. 

A big thank you to everyone on here who has shared their experience. To be honest this is a subject that neither our oncologist or specialist nurse has ever discussed with us. If it wasn't for this forum we wouldn't have known that your bits will shrink and loss of libido etc etc. I would have just put it down to my husband not coping or not wanting a physical relationship anymore.

Hi Shar if i played a little part in making you aware of intimacy issues caused by cancer then i am happy ,best wishes to you both.

Eddie

Hey, thank you for sharing.

I have been told I'm probably going to be having a urostomy and colostomy at my next surgery(this will be my 3rd surgery) I was wondering if you may go into more detail to help me get my head around it all. 

Helen