Post masectomy at 49

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Hi my name is Michelle

I was diagnosed in Sept and had surgery 9tj Nov

I am nearly flat now as the, seroma, has gone and I can't bare to look at my body

I've been told to stop going on by 2 close people who I've barely spoken too

So I feel I can't talk about what has consumed my every thought for weeks

I have zero support and feeling pretty sorry for myself

I am awaiting my results for the reacuurance score and whether I need chemo

I just feel like it's all very surreal and I am struggling mentally

Anyone else feeling the same?

  • Hi Michelle, it must be very difficult if you have no one who you can talk too, so i can understand how sad and unsupported you must feel. Not everyone has the full support of family and friends and i am sure you are not alone in this situation. I have been on this site now for a few years and they are a friendly and supportivebunch and if they can offer any help they will. It really is very early days for you and your feelings and thoughts must be all over the place and that is normal we have all been there. I can to some degree understand you not being able to look at yourself at the moment but it will get better. I had a mastectomy and it took a while but i see it as my battle scars and i am very proud of it and also to have survived this horrible cancer for so long from begining to now its been 20 years. Maybe the friends you are talking about are only as my mother would of said ( fair weather friends ) or it could be they just dont know how to react to what you are saying and dont know what to say this happened to me, one friend just could not handle what i needed to talk about so she kept away i could understand so i left her to it. As for struggling mentally with your diagnosis and any further treatment plan we all do, but please if you feel you need any more help always seek help from your breast care nurse or your GP so struggle alone. I hope you fell better in yourself soon and dont forget to Breath it helps haha. All the very best Dawn

  • Welcome to the forum and I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. I think it’s fair to say unless someone has experienced breast cancer, they can never truly understand what you’re going through and people can sometimes come across as insensitive without meaning to or realising.  Also as Wino said, there are others who just don’t know what to say. I do get how it can get lonely sometimes, and I wonder whether you can have a look around for local support groups that you can go to. Whilst I haven’t attended one myself, people on here have reported positive experiences about support groups. I also think you should speak some more with your breast care nurse in the context of a referral to a psychologist to see if seeing one could help you come to terms with the new you. Having breast cancer changes is both physically, emotionally, socially and mentally and we have to believe that things will get better. Best wishes.

  • Have you been offered support groups? Councelling? Contact your breast care nurse and ask, say that you're not coping. Im struggling post diagnosis on 30/11 and mastectomy on 7/12. Im ok with my body ish - would have rathered a double so one boob lob sided I am, but I look at myself in the mirror and say I choose life. I choose to live. This is how I live. Then I cry. Its just going to take time. I kind of try to think of myself as a warrior, like I'm going through my own little war. And im caring for myself, doing whats needed to try to survive this thing thats landed on me. I've nor worn my softee boob only one day. A scarf at this point is a great accessory. I think you need time and an ear to listen to you. There's a thread called scream that i used on either on this the under 50's group or the breast cancer group - look for it and rant on there. It got me through a few bad days. I've just done a meditation zoom thing on a website called future dreams - its helped me tonight to relax and sleep a bit and take away the pain and anger and tension. Its not really a me thing this meditation - but i tried it and it did help. Id tried youtube videos but a live session seemed to work better.

    Im awaiting results like you, I feel like Im having an out of body experience- its not my story this! Nope! But yet it is and the mirror gets me back to reality. My grey hair is showing and is a mess, my face is excema patches and itchy, hrt gone and coil removed so hormonal mess. But Im here and going to give it all the power that I have. I actually have forgotten for one minute then bang panic sets in - i cant let go of holding myself to survive. Just running through the rollercoaster Im on just so that you know you are not alone and we're all up, down, all over the place and just trying.

    Sometimes people say 'cmon stop it, be positive' and this is because they care and want you to get stronger, but i know, i needed to rant and run through things and sigh and punch something and shake my head and cry in a ball. I need to do what i need to do. My husband asks 'whats wrong?' When im crying out of the blue- Im like oh my god I have breast cancer. Even the closest to us struggle to understand at times.

    Sending you all the hugs that I can muster- we're all on here to back each other in this mess of a minestrone soup we're in xxxx

    Ninsim Heart

  • I am so sorry you dont have anyone to talk to. Often people do not get our feelings about cancer and insensitive comments are common and not always possible to laugh off, especially when we are struggling. The macmillan support line is really helpful. There are often local cancer charities which also offer counselling and support groups. It might help to join one of those. You are not being ridiculous about your feelings post surgery - it i a huge adjustment. Liz O'Riordan and Trish Greenhalgh write about it in their survival guide to breast cancer. I hope you can find the support you need to help you through this stage of your cancer journey and to help you love your body again. It will come with time, even though that seems impossible now