Hi there,
I'm Ros. I found a lump early November, GP mid November, and went for what I thought would be a routine appointment to the breast clinic on 28th November to rule out anything sinister. Instead, during the ultrasound I already knew from their faces that they'd found cancer, although obviously they couldn't confirm until after the biopsy.
The next eight days were horrendous, until my appointment to receive results on 6th December. I was expecting to get the full results of the biopsy on that date, and had a number of questions to ask, but instead all they could tell me at that stage was that I definitely have breast cancer, and it's grade 3 (so fast growing). I don't yet know what stage.
I have an MRI booked on Monday, and they had originally made an appointment with the "cancer team" on Friday 16th, but today they phoned to tell me that they still haven't completely finished the biopsy, but they do now know it is not hormone receptive, which alters my treatment plan, and means that chemotherapy is unavoidable. I had pinned all my hopes on a lumpectomy and radiotherapy, so this is a massive blow. They have cancelled the appointment on 16th that I'd already made plans for, and now they want me to see an oncologist instead. They haven't confirmed a date.
I still don't know whether it's HER2 receptive (but I have a feeling it's going to turn out to be triple negative, which also terrifies me), and this has thrown everything up into the air - I know I have to have chemo but they can't tell me whether that will be before or after surgery, and I have been given no time frame (I was relatively comfortable with the time frame for surgery because it was a known factor).
To make matters worse, I'm a self-employed singer and actress. I am rehearsing a show that opens on Saturday and have done all I can to continue working. I really want to finish this contract, because there's no knowing when I will next be able to do my job, especially now that chemo is unavoidable. I thought I'd planned all my appointments around my show, and would be looking at surgery in January, followed by radiotherapy. Now I don't even know when the appointments are, let alone what the repercussions are, so I don't know whether I'm going to have to pull out of the show. Again, I had pinned my hopes on treatment starting after 30th December when I finish this contract.
I have had some devastating experiences in the past, I lost my daughter in a hospital when things went from bad to worse within the space of 24 hours and she died in my arms. I had PTSD from that experience for a long time, but had worked very hard to manage it. I have been incredibly anxious over the last two weeks, barely eating or sleeping, but was coping with the diagnosis of cancer when I thought I knew what was happening, right up until this unexpected twist from bad to worse today. It has triggered the symptoms of PTSD, and now I feel like I honestly can't cope.
I've been waiting for 3 hours for 111 to call me back to see if there's anything they can give me for the anxiety. Cancer is always a hard blow, but when it goes from bad to worse, on top of some already devastating experiences, I feel like the anxiety is going to kill me before the cancer does. I'm beside myself.
