I was diagnosed with invasive primary ducal cancer on Wednesday 17th Nov. I knew in my gut it was bad. So I wasn't really shocked.
I had been to my GP in June with my breast feeling weird. I had a US scan and nothing showed up. But the gut feeling grew...I requested another scan in September as the area went hard and I could feel a small lump, the GP said they wouldn't scan me again as there was nothing there last time and I'm "too young to worry, it's probably hormones". In October the lump was visible under my skin to my partner, and myself in the mirror. I went and requested a different doc and they referred me straight away. I had a second scan with the same lady who did it before and she was shocked to see a 2.1cm mass there. Biopsied it straight away and I got the results as I said, on weds. It really didn't feel real. Although I felt knew, I also knew I was ready for it. I spent the Thursday and Friday in shock. Then yesterday something just clicked in my head. My gut feeling had told me it was bad but now my gut feeling is telling me I'm going to make it through.
So far it's tested as double negative. Just waiting to see if the genetic markers come back with anything. If it's triple negative I'm kind of lost as to what that really means but they all seem really confident they can eradicate it. It's not showing any signs it's in my lymph nodes or anything yet. My oncologist appointment is a week weds. But this coming 10 days is going to be the longest ever. Still going to work and continuing life knowing this thing is in me is scary.
I have autism. I also have ptsd from other very bad traumatic events in my childhood and teens, which is why I think I'm mentally able to cope with this so well for now. I've already researched and made a list of things for my chemo bag, I have bought three wigs, new makeup and skin care, organised work cover and told everyone who I wanted to know. Of course I've had my crying moments and moments of utter panic and my legs failing me. But I can't stay down. I've only just started my life properly after my horrid past.
The plan as far as I'm aware is to clamp or fit a coil around the lump, so they can find it again after chemo, as I'm having chemo first. Then I'm having breast conservation surgery after chemo to remove the coil area and surrounding tissue. But to be completely honest I think mentally I want to push for a double mastectomy. This hitting me so young puts me at higher risk of it coming back, and especially if it's genetic I don't want to carry around these ticking time bombs. And for my mental health going forward I don't want to spend the rest of my life terrified of every ache, lump and odd sensation in my chest. Id rather have no boobs than diseased boobs.
I've renamed it too. The C word gives it too much power and we're here manifesting healing so he's named Francis. And Francis the lump is being served an eviction notice ASAP.
I just need to mentally survive the wait to get going with treatment.
Hi I remember the feelings you are going through so well. The waiting is absolutely the worst part of the whole process. We all really struggle with it but wait we must and with the help of the lovely people on this forum we all get through it.
Your prognosis sounds good. Your lump is small and operable and with no spread to lymph nodes hopefully you should be francis free soon.
I call it caner (with a lower case c because it doesn't deserve a capital letter) because by not saying the cancer word I feel I give it power. A bit like Voldermort in Harry Potter 
. By giving it a name I feel I make it seem important and give it meaning. We're all different and have to do what works best for us.
As to whether you should have both breast removed its best to discuss with your oncologist as my understanding is that that won't guarantee anything. People have had cancer come back under their mastectomy scar. So if you do opt for mastectomy please continue to be vigilant and check for lumps and other changes.
