I was put on furlough a year ago. 23rd March 20. I was diagnosed with breast cancer very soon after and had SMX 30th April. I'm still on furlough now.
I have have to contact my boss to organise going back now and I'm terrified. I am still flat on right side because covid wouldn't allow reconstruction. I have always been the reliable one, always helped anyone and fun personality. My work ethic has always been praised.
Bit I've been off so long and I'm a totally different person now. I feel sick and teary at the thought of going back there.
Strange because I do want to go.to.work and want to enjoy it again. My job was very male dominant and very often I received remarks, comments on my body. And the old me could shoot them down no problem but this me might lash out or cry. I'm so scared.
If I hadn't been off so long I'd probably be ok.
I want to find a new job but that's impossible right now as I'm still on list for reconstruction.
Sorry for the waffle x
Hi Red41 welcome to the forum and you are not waffling I perfectly understood your post and the feelings that go along with it.
I expect that it is normal to feel the way that you do as you have been off, had surgery and been absent due to Covid and been furloughed that's a lot of things happening and a lot of time elapsed and as you say you are not the same person now and that's ok as well I dont think any of us are after Breast Cancer so you are not alone.
I think you have to have an open and honest conversation with your Manager about how you are feeling, your concerns and why you feel as you do and then they can make adjustments accordingly but if they don't know they can't do anything to help. I also think they have to have a word with the workforce about comments about peoples bodies I know some of it is in jest but you dont' need to be dealing with that as well so that needs sorted out. If you lash out and cry that's ok it may let people know to back off a little .
I hope you dont mind me saying as well that there seems to be someone in there that has a strong work ethic and can do the job standing on their head and that is a huge strength for you and its in you so dont discount the good points that you have already because they will kick back in.
Thinking of you and please do let us know how you get on. xxx
gail
