My 42 year old wife Is asking is Chemo worth it

Hi Nigpig welcome to the forum and I am so sorry to hear about what has been happening for you and your wife?

Can I ask why she is so reluctant to have chemo? Has this been advised for her or is it of borderline benefit that she has to choose whether to have this or not? Is it because she is scared?  

This treatment is usually something that is recommended by the Doctors based on lots of different pieces of information.

Hi

Its mainly the side effects and the quality of life afterwards to only gain 10 years if she’s lucky 

Give your wife a big hug from me and then give her a big kick up the proverbial, also from me.  Of course it's worth it! One lot of chemo bought me 15 years. The second lot has already bought me just under two years and neither me nor my oncologist  believes that anything catastrophic is imminent in the near future. I have no doubt I'll plod along for another good few years and then there's a THIRD chemo I can have if necessary. There are also other treatments that can help ease symptoms and prolong life. Tamoxifen is working just fine for me in that respect.

Right - side effects. Never mind what she's seen on Eastenders or anywhere else. It's not like that. As I said, I had it 15 years ago and the side effects were quite tough then - but the hospital worked with me to get the vomiting and fatigue under control. These days, they're even better at the side effects - other than hair loss, I had no bad side effects from my chemo last year at all. I took the anti-sickness tablets religiously and never even felt queasy. The only other side effect I got was my taste buds seemed to  be a little weaker - not a problem, really. I just upped the flavour of food by adding onion or garlic or a stronger cheese or whatever. Also swapped from latte to espresso - can't seem to give that up now though......!

There are LOADS of things she can do to minimise side effects. LOADS! As I said, the anti-emetic tablets are wonderful these days and, combined with other tips such as not eating hot food on the first couple of days (hot food tends to have a stronger aroma and may increase queasiness), not using overly strong perfumes and scents (that goes for you too - ditch the aftershave for the first couple of days after treatment), sipping ginger ale, sucking frozen grapes and so on, she might well get through without being sick once. Many of us do.

Hair loss - well, she could look into the cold cap. It helps some people. I didn't bother because it added an extra hour to the treatment time and, after 15 years of powder bleach and hot tool torture, my hair was in a bad way anyway. I needed to start again with it! Bonus on not needing to shave the legs, too. 

Tiredness, again, this can be managed. I found that coffee and Lucozade were my friends, along with shutting my eyes for ten minutes.  That's only on the first two, three days anyway. 

Tell her that the big list of side effects they fluster you with CAN happen, not definitely WILL happen.  What chemo have they offered? Different treatments have different effects and between us, we have tips to manage 'em all.

Finally, tell her that the alternative is much worse.  Not just her passing - the time before that. As I said, I had cancer 15 years ago. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with a "frozen shoulder" - it wasn't and I knew it wasn't. I was in so much pain that I couldn't brush my hair or teeth. I was gobbling painkillers like they were sweets - to cut a long story short, I finally convinced the GP to take me seriously and metastatic cancer was diagnosed. One infusion of chemo did what countless painkillers, CBD, hot water bottles - the lot - had failed to do. It gave me my arm and my life back. So it's not just about prolonging life, it's about quality of life too and chemo WILL give her that. Five months of the minor side effects I listed above and 17 months pain free, is what I've got so far. 

The very best of luck to you both. 

Thanks for your frankness I’ll pass on your experiences and good luck to you with your cancer journey 

10 years is a long time! And chemo is amazing. I know several people who are living FULL lives despite having stage 4 incurable cancer. I know people diagnosed with stage 4 and have no traces of cancer after recent testing! Yes, chemo can be brutal. But it’s a few months out of the rest of your life with a husband who clearly adores you, asking us questions, looking for advice and support, so that he can support you. That may be more than a lot of well people have. Let us know how you get on. We are all here for you XX 

If she knows the details of her get cancer she can work out the percentage benefit here: https://breast.predict.nhs.uk

Just had ct scan results looks clear but they have said her cancer is stage 3

So it's normal for stage 3 as it's more aggressive. Great that the  scan is clear:) Has she decided to go with it? What is her % gain?