Talking to your sons about BRACA2

Hi Mang and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

Although I'm not a member of this forum, I noticed that your post hadn't had any replies yet. Responding to you will 'bump' it back to the top of the discussion list.

I'm sure some members of the forum will be along soon to share their experiences with you.

Hello,

I cannot give definitive advice to deal with your dilemma, but maybe I can help a bit. I had the reverse of your situation, as I am a 38y/o female who had breast cancer and subsequently found out that I had a BRCA1 mutation. This triggered my parents to be tested and much to all our surprise, it was discovered that my dad was the carrier of the genetic mutation. I am 1 of 3 children, and 2 of us (both female) have inherited the mutation. I know when my dad found out, he felt very guilty about having passed this on to us, but I remind him all the time that he has absolutely no reason to feel guilty. He didn't know he had a mutation and if he had known and didn't have children because of it, my siblings and I wouldn't be here, so I'm very happy to be here with it.

There is no perfect way to approach things, but you just have to be honest with your children and I have no doubt that they will understand. I imagine for you at the moment, carrying this secret must feel like a great burden. They are just as likely to not have it as they are to have it, so it could be that there is nothing further to worry about. If they choose to be tested and it turns out they have inherited the mutation, then at least they know about it and can take steps to assess their options and protect themselves in future. Having a genetic mutation is not a death sentence, having survived breast cancer yourself you are proof of that, but by knowing about it we put the ball back in our court. Knowledge is power :)

I wish you the best of luck x

I would supp[ort all of the above. I am BRACA 2 and have 3 sons.  Each of them had to work out how they would deal with my diagnosis.  All have now been tested and 2 are positive and one isn't. You can only be honest with them and then let them work it out for themselves.

There is no right or wrong.

Thanks for your reply 

Hi there 

thanks for the very considered and very helpful reply! I do feel guilt about the situation and it’s hard to put these feelings aside.

you are right it isn’t a death sentence and telling them will give them some control over their next steps.

i Just need to work out a way of telling them now!

thanks again