Hi everyone, I just joined this evening and am posting on here because despite some wonderful supportive loved ones I feel really sad and really alone right now.
I carry the BRCA1 mutation and my mum passed away from Ovarian cancer in 2015. My grandmother passed away from breast cancer back when she was 30, as did all of her sisters. I took care of my mum for 4.5 years before she died and now I’m being treated in some of the same places she was (although preventive in my case).
I’m 32 and began a two-stage preventative surgery process in late October that was meant to start with a simple lift and reduction of my (then) large breasts before eventually having a full double mastectomy and reconstruction with implants.
Two weeks after that though it was clear some of the tissue in my left breast died and I had to go through a pretty horrific process of treating the necromatic tissue and getting rid of it. That left me with a very large wound. Then at the end of November I ended up being rushed to A&E with a severe infection that essentially burst my breast. It was horrible and so terrifying.
They ended up doing an emergency operation and had to cut everything back open again and I was told afterwards that there was so much dead tissue inside, and that my surgeon had never seen that in his career. They think it could be because of long covid which caused blood clots so my tissue just died off after the first surgery.
I ended up staying in hospital 12 days while I was hooked up to a vac and finally had a third surgery last Tuesday to close me up. After that surgery I had an allergic reaction to some anti sickness which affected my heart, and I really thought it was the end of the road for me. Thankfully I pulled through and today I had my mini pump and drains removed and am home. It’s the first time in this 6 week process that I’ve truly looked at my breasts without all of the pumps and tubes and large dressings that had to be on them. There’s a really noticeable difference in size due to all the complications of the left one, a part of me is trying to process all the trauma my body has been through and be grateful to be alive, but the other part of me feels so devastated and is grieving the loss of my natural breasts. I know they’ll probably be evened out when I eventually have my full double mastectomy, but it feels really hard now.
I have a very loving support network but I sense they are tired too, and sometimes I feel very alone in the day to day reality of it all. Now that I’m home and the adrenaline of fighting to get through it has worn off, it feels like I’m left to pick up the pieces and face the truth of it.
I’m not sure if anyone will get through this lengthy post, or relate to any of it, but I could use a place of like mindedness.
