My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Patricia just letting you know that I am thinking of you and will continue to be sending tons of angel hugs.

Judi, thinking of you tomorrow as we both get through our anniversary dates.  Can't believe it has been two years for me.  Not a good week but I know now that I will get through it.

On a brighter note, my dog walker who is a professional dog trainer suggested that my dog be evaluated to visit seniors in nursing homes.  His evaluation is on Saturday and we have been working, I am quite nervous but really want him to succeed.  It would be good for both of us.

take care everyone

Big gentle (((angel hugs)))) to Bren and Judi for the anniversary dates. Hope you manage to get throught them ok x x x

Love and angel hugs to all x x x Patricia x x x

 

 

Comforting (((hugs))) for Bren and Judi as anniversary dates approach xxxxxx

Special thoughts and comforting (((hugs))) for you too Patricia xxxxx

Lots of (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) for all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you all these darker evenings but specially thinking of Bren & Judi and also Patricia. I know it is an inappropriate word Patricia but I am sure you will understand when I say I am glad you are able to go ahead with the arrangements for your Dad's funeral. I keep thinking about you and wandering how you are doing. It will be important to keep yourself busy right now but make sure you take care of yourself. That goes for everyone else as well. Ailsa xxx

Morning to all penguins, I haven't posted for awhile I find it so hard to get signed in - however I have managed this am. Patricia sending you a big hug. I haven't caught up with all the post but I will now. Not a lot going on with me just seeing to my dad who is very frail now and needs oxygen 24/7. I have been meeting up with my friend Angela who lost her partner six months ago we are going to Carlisle today for a bit if shopping as not a nice day for a walk. We are really getting on well and I hope I am helping her get through the worst time of her life. It's good to talk and we are both going through the same although I am further on. Charlie doing fine can't believe he is nearly two - he is great company now a little chatter box. Derek would have just loved him. Sending big hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxx

Fiona, sorry to hear your lovely dad is so frail. It is hard to watch them isn't it. i hope he is not in too much distress or discomfort. It is good that you and your friend are able to help each other but such a shame it is for this reason. Can't believe Charlie is almost two. Seems like only days away since he was born. (((hugs)))

I hope everyone else is coping as well as can be expected.

As for me, well what can I say... Finally got funeral times and dates organised just have to finalise things over next day or so. It will not take place until 7th and 8th November. It seems that I may have a houseful of guests as people are planning to travel. Not the ideal as I really need my space but I guess I need to be charitable if people are making the effort to be here for dad. I know that sounds terrible but I try to be private in my grief and it will be very public for those few days. I guess I better make an effort to make space for people.  Just wish it was for happier reasons.

Love and angel hugs to all. x x x Patricia x x x

Morning. Fiona I can't beleive how fast time has gone by so that Charlie is two already. They grow up so fast. Declan has been here this weekend and he is getting so tall, just growing like bamboo. I'm trying hard not to get upset about them moving away. Becky & I were talking about it and she maintains it isn't finally decided that they will move to Scotland but even I can see that it is the only thing that makes sense if they are to make a go of being a family. She knows I will travel up often to see her but I think she worries about not seeing her brother & sister so often. We all know we must take opportunities for happiness. Fiona I am sorry to hear that your dad is so frail. Sending you some strength & thinking of you xxx Patricia it is good that you are close to having a date for your Dads funeral but I can imagine it will be hard having house guests for several days. It is a hard thing, being so glad lovely people want to come and pay their respects but I would be like you and be in need of my own space for my grieving at this time. I think by now I know you well enough to know you will do what you must do so just take care of yourself. Give yourself some time afterwards because you will have worn yourself out xxx Well I really sould be getting ready for work so I will sign off. Take care everyone. Ailsa xxx

This is so sad. I am sitting here thinking (not a good plan). Just realised that I now have noone to discuss my daily life with. How pathetic does that sound? I had just begun to share things with my lovely dad on a daily basis. Now it has ended and I feel so lost and alone (again). I know others have same, similar or worse issues but just for a few minutes I am going to indulge myself and feel sorry for myself.  We will lay dad to rest next week. I want to run and hide. Pretend it is not happening. Dreading the coming months where we have to sort out the estate. Can I hibernate until it is all over? Oh how I wish that could happen. Once again I am questioning my own mortality and now I am scared for my own family. I want to protect them from having to go through these very same feelings. So... do I now start to clear out all the accumulated possessions in my own home so that they won't have to?? Where do I start? Well I guess I start by trying to regain my enthusiasm for life and then take it from there. Sorry for this crazy post but who else can I share my thoughts with??

Love and angel hugs to you all and thank you for being there for me. x x x Patricia x x x

Oh Patricia, of course you are feeling as you do.  You have lost another dear person who was close to you.  You will get through next week, because that is what we do.  In the depth of our despair, we still carry on, that is just the nature of the human spirit.

You are feeling really down at the moment, and that is so natural.  But give yourself some time my friend, don't make any decisions for a while.  Don't forget what we were told when we lost our lovely men.  Take each day as it comes and if you can't do days then do hours.  And do not look too far into the future.  That still holds firm for you at this time. 

And you can always discuss your daily life with us penguins, or MW's.  We will always be there for you as you have always been there for us.

Take care my dear friend and try to be kind to yourself.

Love and lots of (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Pam

Dear Patricia (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) xxx

I missed my Mum as the best friend I didn't realise I had - but I miss my Dad so much more.  He was the person to make me laugh, to discuss putting the world to rights (both as a global thing and in my personal world)....and the base line for choosing my own 'man-for-life'......(actually Alan has turned out to be too much like my Dad in some ways).  The only way I have coped over the past year is by taking little steps and doing only what I felt able to or comfortable with........If I offended members of my extended family because of my behaviour - well so be it.  I did what i could to come to terms with the hurt and anger I felt - and still feel - at being abandoned by him - and believe me it hasn't gone down too well with some members of my family.....................

You and I are very much alike in that we tend to put others first and try to ignore our own problems in the hope that they will go away.....Sorry love but it don't work like that!!!!  So indulging in some 'feeling sorry' moments is acceptable and to be expected.  You have taken quite an emotional battering recently and need to take time out and watch the world go by for a while..........

All that you are feeling - questioning your mortality.....protecting your family.........doing things in advance to try to ease their burden of grief and loss............is natural and part of the coming-to-terms with and healing process.  I too have spent time wondering what will happen when I am no longer here.........But it doesn't stop time rolling on and there is nothing we can do to stop it either!!!! '...time waits for no man (or woman)...'  All in good time you will find some of your enthusiasm again and start to look forward.......You have your family and most especially your little granddaughter to cheer you!!!

I freely admit that the hardest day was Dad's funeral - the disbelief when looking at his coffin was overwhelming.  How could that box contain a man I had loved all my life?  Had they got the right person?  Surely someone would wake me up and tell me it was all a dream?  I felt totally drained by the end of that day.............But somehow I managed to get through it - just as you will too. I would not dream of intruding on that day - but i will be by your side in spirit.........holding your hand......and willing you to stay upright and calm............... You will do your Dad proud on the day............

Sending you love and many comforting (((hugs)))

Dot xxxx