My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

thanks for the christmas wishes Patricia.

I wish all the penguins a peaceful christmas and a good new year. Hugs and thoughts with you all and your families at this time of year.

Becky

Evening everyone.  Thank you for the Merry Christmas wishes Patricia and Becky.  I hope all my lovely friends on here have a peaceful Christmas.

Fiona I hope you are feeling a bit less unwell.  I have had a bug since last week as well and I am still not good at dealing with it on my own.  It's a good job I am not often ill.

Gayle it is lovely that you can talked about so much in front of Jamie & Ewan.  Because my children are so much older I think they find it more difficult to just strike up a conversation about their Dad in front of me. I know they are afraid of upsetting me.  Rosemary is right - it was my counsellor who told me that I didn't need to protect my children and worry about them so much as they were not feeling what I was feeling.  She said it just before the first anniversary and I was in a really bad place.  Part of my problem was the very thought that my children were feeling what I was feeling.  It made me feel a lot better when she pointed out what is probably very obvious to other people.  You're doing a great job Gayle with the boys but it must be so very hard for you and for Janet.

Tomorrow is my last day at work until after Christmas.  I will probably get finished soon after lunch.  I am going to try to have a quiet evening tomorrow in preparation for Christmas starting in earnest.  I am looking after Declan on Christmas Eve.

Well I appear to have forgotten some of what has been posted so I will post this and have a look to see if I can remind myself of what else I wanted to say.  Take care xxx

hello penguins

I hope you are all doing ok.

i am going to my parents tomorrow for christmas and the new year, there was no point sitting at home alone. I have eventually found the strength to buy a few presents and I have posted cards to close friends and family. I have  also bought some sky lanterns for christmas day. It is only one day. But all the run up to christmas on TV is really starting to grate. But the few programs I have seen with reviews of the year are actually really quite upsetting, it brings back memories of what we were doing at that time of year, oblivious to the knowlage of what was happening, and then all the events of the year that he was not here to see. I think that is worse then the whole christmas thing. To think as a chef he worked his last ever christmas.

Today I got a bunch of flowers delivered from my work collegues, they were lovely but made me cry, Mark is the only one who has ever got flowers delivered for me. But I am almost sorted to return to work in January so it is nice to know they are still thinking of me, they have been noticeable by their silence till now.

I hope you all find peace over christmas.

take care, keep swimming and drink lots of baileys (drunk swimming!)

Becky

I knew there was more - Pam it sounds like you get something very closely resembling comfort from getting Martin's ashes home.  I can so imagine how you felt having a long talk to him.  Chris is buried.  He asked me to bury him with his Dad who died when Chris was only 19, just 3 months before we got married.  He isn't far from my house.  I can drive there in less than 10 mins.  The cemetery is never closed so I have even gone after dark.  Sometimes I have pulled up alongside a bench I had put near to his grave and just sit in my van and chat to him.  I get a lot of comfort from going.  It is important to have something.  Thank you for the Christmas card you sent.  I wasn't able to send you one as I haven't been able to find your address anywhere in the emails with all the addresses on.  I hope I haven't missed it somewhere along the way.  My thoughts are with you and thank you.

Dot I am glad the cards you received have been a comfort and there is no need at all to apologise for not sending any.  You say such lovely things all the time so it is nice to do something nice for you for a change.

Well I really should close for the evening - it might be my last day before the holidays tomorrow but I need to be able to stay awake while I am there!!

Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Becky - our posts crossed.  Have a nice time at your parents over Christmas.  It sounds like a very good idea to go.  It is lovely that your work colleagues are thinking about you and about you going back to work next month.  I bet they do everything they can to smooth the way for you.  It will help.  Ailsa xxx

Morning all . so sorry i havn't had much chance to post , so much happening and mostly good but some worries too . Becky well done on the cards and presents and you are doing the right thing in going to your parents . Last year was the first year in my life i woke up on my own Xmas day and it wasn't good . I have something planned for this year too .

Thank you for all my card and i am so sorry i havn't got round to writing any of mine (i will try and explain what has been happening after xmas ) The cards i have recieved are wonderful and i really appriciate them so much .

 To the ladies that are facing their first christmas alone ((((hugs )))) and to the ladies and gents that are facing their second and third christmas alone (((((hugs )))) to you too .. I wish you all the best possible christmas you can have and i look forward too being with you all at 6pm on chrismas night to either release a lantern or light a candle in memory of our loved ones . Once again Sue thank you for sharing this idea last year , it  helped so many of us and will continue to help this year ..

Take care and love to all xxxx

Lynne xxxxx

 Ps also thinking of Mandy on christmas eve on the 1 st anniversary xxxxx

‎(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´ Please pass this Heart around in memory of all our loved ones at Christmas time... For those that have sadly passed away, They may be gone but never ever forgotten... With all of our Love ♥

Lynne, (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))and support

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Three months today.  Sometimes seems so long and sometimes only yesterday. Oh so many different feelings.  Have been sitting here staring at his photo and just can't really believe that it is real.  Although in my heart I know it is.

Well, everything ready for Christmas.  Presents wrapped and under the tree, plenty of food in the fridge and freezer.  Lights merrily twinkling.  Sounds idilic doesn't it apart from the fact that he isn't here. Don't thinkj I am coping too bad with that one, apart from not seeing the magic.

Am going to my daughter and family for Christmas day and Boxing day.  So that will be nice.  But I keep thinking to myself.........................what am I going to feel like when I wake up on my own Christmas morning......................It will be the first time in my entire life that this has happened.  Oh isn't life a bitch..

Anyway, sorry for the rant, and would like to wish all you lovely penguins as good a Chrtistmas as you can have. 

Lots and lots of love and plenty of (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) to you all.

Pam xx

sending christmas wishes to all my friends on this thread - have as good a time as you can. It will soon be over.

xx