My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening All,  Amanda glad you and H had a good holiday, and i am sending you a big hug. Gayle i hope you are enjoying your holiday now, the boys seem to be having a great time. Lynne i hope your dad is ok and gets on ok when he has his operation on Tues, give him a hug from me as it must be hard for him. My dad still going to the day hospital on a Wed but he is just so shattered on a Thurs he spends nearly all day in his bed so don't know if really doing him any good. We are seeing about getting care call in for him just now so if he falls and can't get to the phone but it will be a wonder if he even wears the wrist band but we are trying our best. Judi when is it you move to your new house. It will not be that long till our JE afternoon. Helen it looks like you and Nat had a fab time in London. I am all ready for my wedding now i think, we are staying in a lodge for the night where the wedding reception is being held so Kim and Charlie going to come up as well and spend the day there as the lodge sleeps four it's a pity Grierson has to work but Kim says she will meet a friend  for lunch. Hope everyone else is ok, like Ailsa i am going to post as already lost one i wrote earlier  think it's bedtime for me now and Bud seems to have settled down now so hopefully he will sleep he certainly keeps me on my toes. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx   

Evening everyone but ESPECIALLY Sue.  What are you like ... and outside a police station????  No seriously, I hope that you have taken onboard all the wise advice the ladies on FB dished out.  What a shake you must have given yourself.

Fiona, yes not long time we meet in Glasgow.  Ailsa and I have booked our hotel rooms, I am staying the Saturday and I think Ailsa is staying a couple of nights - Teri, are you there, hope you are ok.  Hang on in there hun and we will give you the best penguin hugs possible.

Lynne and Fiona - much love to the daddies. 

Patricia, I was so glad to read that you had enjoyed your afternoon, a light bit of brightness can do the world of good, but as others have said, just keep a careful eye on yourself (bet Sue can't find a picture of that!) if you are feeling ropey. ((((  ))))

Rosemary, hope you and Sam are doing ok.  Been thinking about you a lot this week. ((((   ))))))  and Lynda, glad that you are beginning to feel a little better hun.

Removal company booked for 7 September.  Everything is going into storage for a few weeks while some work is done on the new place.  There was a wee funny - when I got the quote there were some 'optional' extra costs, delay of keys etc but one was quite large - over £150 for 'transit insurance' so I queried exactly what that covered as it seemed quite a lot to me.  The answer being it apparently is what it says on the tin - it covers your goods while they are being moved in the van (all of 20 mins each way!)  I think the guy was quite surprised when I asked "Are your drivers really that bad?!!!"  Suffice to say it is an 'optional extra' that I won't be taking.  don't worry penguins, I have checked and I am covered by my house insurance. 

I have SD from Dubai over as of tomorrow and Boy and his girlfriend are coming for the weekend.  So a busy house ....... with used mugs and dirty plates left everywhere  .........  damp towels all over the bathroom  .......... fridge emptied at an alarming rate etc.  All good stuff - just takes me a few hours to get used to it, it is normally a very quiet and quite tidy house me and the dogs live in!!!

Off to bed now, well after I have channel hopped to check I am not missing anything, a walk with the dogs, a wee read of my book and a coffee!

Night all - Judi xxx

Hi All, think I spoke on here a long time ago but I'm in manchester n you havin a meet i would like to c ome sorry if this is out of the blue but thats me. im at 18 months now n still feelin low, Would like to meet other widows, just so I know i'm not alone sorrr if i got it wrong here, love to all

debxxxxxxx

has anyone heard from Lesley lately, or is she away and incommuicado?

Okay Sue .... now that is Spooky Dooky ...... because I was going to post the same query!!!! 

Woo hooo Lesley .... can you hear us?  Sending hugs hun.  J x

Hi Deb, yes we are meeting in Manchester, but we don't post the details on here because it is such an open site. If you send me a friend request I can message you with all the details if you feel like joining us... Manda x 

Hi Ailsa,

What happens now is that you give yourself time and space to grieve.  You cannot move forward until you face the grief which sadly is never done with.  It only gets better with time.   You have 3 children and you have to go on for them and with them as a family unit that has changed.

Of course it hurts like hell to lose someone you have loved and known for so long.  I am dreading this when it happens to me.  Every day I grieve and it like a slow death.   I am always being told by people who have lost their husband to Mesothelioma that Doreen you feel you won't cope and move forward but you will.  I find this encouraging and hopefull.  Of course I won't know what it will feel like till I lose my husband.   I don't think anything prepares you for the death of someone.   Every day seems like an eternity.    My sister lost her son to suicide and she says to me that when thoughts intrude and she cannot bear them she mentally presses the STOP button.  

You will one day find the strength to go on.   It is early days and you must give yourself time to grieve and sadly this happens in stages and when you least expect it.   I have spent many a time with grief and tears on a bus and didn't expect this.   I hope your children will be a comfort and strength to you also.  It is hard for you as they will be grieving and need you to help them through it or they could feel all alone with their grief and it is a hard place for a mother to be when she is trying to be all things to all people.    Don't try too hard.   Take time out for YOU.   This may be the space you need to recover a bit from what is a hard place to be in right now.

Take care.  Best wishes     Doreen.

Doreen, hello and welcome. Do you not have any Macmillan support? Have the professionals not tried other medication to relieve Steve's pain. There are many options and often it is trial and error before the correct combination in found (if ever). I do hope that something can be found as it must be distressing for both of you when he is in such pain. If Steve finds it difficult to tell the professionals how he feels when he sees them why not try to write it down and just let them read the information. It is often easier to do this as you think about it prior to the meeting and in a more relaxed setting. Good luck and I hope he can be given some help failry quickly to make him more comfortable.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patrricia x x x

p.s. I read your profile and think most of what I have written pertains to that. Sorry.

thought you might like this. A) because of the song and B) because of the visual content.   Enjoy.

http://www.wimp.com/babymoose

Hi Just a quick post as internet really slow again  , my bradband is live today aswell but i need my daughter to sort it for me , which she is going to do on sunday . Lesley is away till tommorow . Welcome Doreen , hope you can make it tommorow deb . Hope your feeling ok Sue xx Hope you got through your last couple of hours at work Judi , and now i'll  try and post lol xxxxxx hugs xxxxx