My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Hi All
Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes I really do appreciate them. I have not been posting as I have been really down with one thing and another I spent most of the afternoon wallpapering between tears so only managed to get half the wall done, Today was much harder than I thought it would be but it is almost over, and hopefully my mood will lift until the next hurdle in September which is when Bert was diagnosed and was also his birthday, he spent the last 2 years in isolation in the hospital, the first year he was diagnosed the 2nd he had relapsed and was admitted exactly the same day.
Sue you managed to make me laugh thank you, your pics really are a tonic.
Love and Hugs to everyone
Love Teri
Hugs to EVERYONE x x x
Now can somone please tell me the dates of the Scottish and London meets I am confused. (ok ok I know...., what's new?).
I guess I should try to get some sleep. rofl rofl rofl. Best joke I heard in years. Well yes I do go to sleep but I see most hours of the night as I just can't stay asleep. grrrrrr....... I used to be young and lovely and now I am old and hagard. Who put that old woman's face where my face should be??????
I hope that you all have a good Wednesday x x x
Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x
Morning everyone. I was clearing rubble last night so ran out of time to post. I love all the pictures Sue - made me smile at this hour. And Lynne stripping in the kitchen!!! And then I find Lynne is jogging in the rain - excuse me if I think I might have been abducted by aliens! Well done Lynne and I hope you manage your 9 minute target today.
I am expecting the electrician back today so am having a half day holiday.
Hi Manda. Glad to hear from you - I had missed you. I hope you feel a little better soon. I think I manage to avoid things like parties for now until I am more accepting of being on my own. You & H looked lovely though. It would be great if we could have another Manchester meet soon.
Patricia I am racking my brain trying to think of anything you might not have tried so that you sleep better. You don't look a bit haggard but it must be hard for you to feel well on so little sleep. I really hope the problem is solved very soon.
Teri I know yesterday was hard but well done to you for finding a job to help you through it xx
Good luck with the job app Helen. Hope you managed the DVD. I find that very difficult as well and only watch TV if I have some ironing or something I can do at the same time. Stu got me a couple of DVDs for my birthday so that I can try harder to sit down and watch them.
Well I had better get off and get ready for the electrickaman. Have a good day everyone. Ailsa xxx
Hi Everyone, Well weather has been really bad here today very wet, we had the queen visiting the town today but i never saw her as i was working. I have a friend down tonight and we usually go for a walk but to wet tonight. Sue they were great pictures you posted i had a wee laugh to myself. Lynne jogging i wish i could. My sister has Rod Stuart tomorrow night at Edinburgh Castle so i hope it keeps dry for her, i am going next Sat night to see him but it's indoors we are staying overnight there is six of us going so should be good. Lynne how's your dad doing just now? My dad was away at the day hospital again today but was so out of breath they couldn't do any phisio but it gets him out for a wee while. Hope everyone is doing ok and i am sending you all big hugs. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi everyone. Fiona, Lynne it is good to hear a little bit of good news about each of your Dads. I'll keep my fingers crossed for more of the same. I have checked with Stu this evening to see if he minds if I am away in London for the weekend of his birhday - he doesn't mind at all - give him more time to spend with his friends!! So that will be me going to both meets.
The electrician was here from 8 until just before 2. There were a few odd things that Chris had done that he fixed. They were not too big a deal but are better now. There were a few more odd things to do with the wiring from when the house was built. He has solved the problems with the new fuse box and I have a full domestic electrical certificate now so it was worth another day of mess. I am sooooo fed-up of clearing the dust and rubble now. I need this to be done and forgotten as it is still upsetting me that Chris isn't here to help and make me confident I am making the right decisions and also just to see the job done at last. I know he can't be here but it is no fun on my own so it will be many years before I tackle anything else of this scale. Lynne there is always tomorrow for the jog and the jobs - it is throwing it down here so not good for jogging anyway.
I hope everyone else is okay tonight. The cooler weather seems to have made us all a bit quiet - must affect our spirits! Take care everyone. Ailsa xxx
Morning girls
Just wanted to send you all (((((hugs))))) this morning - I am ready to patrol round the outside of the huddle keeping you all safe until you feel a bit stronger.........
Ailsa - your lovely Chris will be there somewhere peering over your shoulder - nodding his head that you've made the right choices......xxxx
Lynne - I watched a young lady jogging round our park the other morning and then she stopped to do some exercises too!!! That wasn't you was it??? (Only joking - as I know you live a good few miles from me).
Love and ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) for everyone...got to shift some furniture - the carpet man cometh at 9.............
Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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