My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

~Good luck tomorrow, Helen

i've got my nursery Christingle tomorrow morning, but I'm borrowing Y6 to help with the singing!

Have had a couple of cards addressed to Mr and mrs - will have to write some notes methinks.

Don't like this much.

have a good day tomorrow, everyone

 sue xx

Good luck tommorrowSue and Helen ,  with the little angels , i cant wait for Beths next week xx

Hello all

Thanks to all for your friendship on FB. I see from your posts you are all busy with carol services etc. We also had a macmillan nurse but have not had any word from any hospice re' any kind of service or support.

Have not had a good week, as I predicted last week! Have also had a heavy cold and have felt very, very alone. I hate myself when I go through weeks like this, hate the things I think, they frighten me. Like Amanda posted earlier, the phone has been very quiet this last few weeks. It did not stop ringing the first 3 weeks, when I could not even string a sentence together, never mind decide what help I needed. Now it seems everyone has forgotten I exist, maybe they think I am OK now that it has been 11 weeks? I hate this time on Thursdays, Colin died at 10:08 pm on Thursday and I know it is not healthy for me to remember it every week but I can't seem to stop myself from doing so, I am usually in bed and try to be asleep before the time comes because when I am not my mind goes over and over the last few horrific hours like some horror film. I don't think I will ever forget the images of him struggling to breathe for as long as I live, the doctors and nurses seemed to just stand there watching as he reached out. I am sorry, I don't mean to depress everyone, sometimes I just need to talk about it, I have never told our children, they think he died peacefully. What good or purpose would it serve for them to feel as distressed as I do at the thought of their lovely dad struggling?

I feel so sad, I'm sorry xx

Big, big hugs for you - we all know what you are going through, and send love to help you through.   yes, the phone is quiet, the visits and flowers stop, and we're on our own. Luckily work and family step into the breach, and like Judi I don't know what I'd do without my dogs. company and unconditional love is what they offer, and that just has to do.

Sue x

Just talk about it if you need to Lesley , we all know what you are going through and at 11 weeks everything is still very raw . I had to watch my husband suffer so much in his last 6 days and i'm not sure if i'll ever get that image out my head , but i try and replace it with a different image , happy ones . Its hard but hopefully your bad memories will be replaced with the good ones . Please take care of your self , you really sound down . Wish i could give you a hug... I'm sure the other ladies will be able to help more than  i am at the moment ..

Take care Lynne , xxxxxxxxxxx

Please talk about your feelings on here as that is what we are all here for.  Most of us had similar situations.  Wully had a terrible death too and suffered from terminal agitation and it was very distressing.  I think that is why I found it hard to go back to the hospice.  The phones do stop but if I didn't have all you lovely ladies (and Dave lol) and my mum I would go mad.  We are all here to hold each others hands x

Gayle x

 Evening All,  Well this is a tough week, my dad's and Darren's birthday today Darren not well with bad cold and he feels miserable and he says he keeps remembering this time last year, Derek went in to the hospice last year on Darren's birthday.  We are all feeling down, Kim thinks she should not be happy at having Charlie as her dad is not here. To be honest Charlie is the only thing that is getting me through this nightmare even a year on. I have had  a bad stomach this week but i think it's nerves. I have done nothing for xmas just have no notion, but i really must make an effort after this week . Hope you are all getting on ok, i don't know what i would have done without all you lovely people. Well i am off to bed now and see if i can sleep. Luv and Hugs to you all.

Hi everyone. 

Too many horrible memories for so many of you at the moment.  But for every horrid memory I know that if you think really, really hard you can remember a beautiful or funny or heartwarming one too.  In fact I know that each and every one of us has hundreds and hundreds to choose from and although they don't begin to even make a dent on the sadness, they are there and special and so full of love and they are just for you, no one else has one like it.  Treasure them all.

Not too much to report from up North today.  I bought some new baubles, big ones, really big ones.  I saw some that were the size of a football but decided that that may be a bit much even for me.  But as there won't be a tree this year, when I saw the ones that were strung up like a bunch of grapes, varying sizes from a large grapefruit down to golfball sized I thought, yes they will do - I can hang them on the wall.  The very nice lady explained "Oh no, they are just strung like that to keep them together, they go on the tree".  She may think that but I now have a huge bunch of gold 'grapes' hanging in the hall and an even bigger buch of red shiny 'grapes' hanging over the fire.    Still not done my cards yet ...... but there's always tomorrow!

Love to all, Judi xxxx

Morning girls - there's not a lot I can add by way of words of wisdom and comfort for each of you........those words I would have used are already here spoken by others.............Judi, Sue, Lynne and everyone...................So I'm just going to send you all lots of love and (((((((((((((((bug higs)))))))))))))))) to comfort you  Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

where are you all?