My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Got my lappy back on!!!! It was just the cable so bought a new one on the way home from work, don`t know how Gayle is coping without it for so long!!!
Went to see my friend and her mum on Saturday, whose Dad/husband died on Friday (after crying my eyes out in Morrisons choosing sympathy cards!!) anyway I was very brave and only cried a little bit when I got there but we all did so that was ok xxx But guess what?? It is looking like his funeral will be a week on Wednesday which is Paul`s birthday!! I was driving home earlier and I had a feeling she was going to tell me that date!! Weird or what?? Not sure how I`ll get through that but hey ho!!! I`m taking Liam and Nat out for tea that evening to celebrate Paul and Natalie`s birthday.
Can`t wait to hear how Ailsa got on?
Lynne hope you`re feeling better todayxx
Dottee I read your other thread earlier. Hope you get on ok, like someone said they are only grumpy with us because we love them and they can!! We all know how it feels though and it still hurts xxx
Natalie`s started worrying about burying Paul`s ashes on Sunday, she feels sick whenever she thinks about it!! Saying that she is planning on visiting the grave on his birthday already is it still called a grave when it`s ashes buried there?
Thought for the day!!
How`s everyone else`s Monday been?
Helen xx
Hello ladies,
Boy have I missed you lot!!! Still not got my phone or broadband. It is a really long rant so I will save it lol but BT are driving me nuts!!!! I have another guy coming out tomorrow so hopefully get some progress. So nip up to my mums to check email but not happy lol! I have tried to keep up with your post but boy can you lot talk lol!
Welcome Manda and really sorry that you have to find yourself here but this lot will keep you sane. Hugs to Lynne - great idea about Benidorm, Ailsa - hope the weekend was fab, Helen - glad all is okay, Patricia - bug higs, Fiona - not long till the baby!! Sue, Dottee, Esme, Judi - huge hugs and thanks for all the support and really sorry if I missed anyone xx
Well not been up to much. Working through here for two days a week and this is my second week which has been fine and I stay in a Travelodge on a Monday night. My work is about 1.5hrs away from home so it suits better. Just the usual day to day stuff. Had a great weekend though as some of you on Facebook probably saw! This is the first time that I can say I have had a really good laugh in so long that I can't remember. My sister and I queued from 5.45am outside H&M in Glasgow to get a pair of Jimmy Choos!!! Totally mad but a great laugh. We eventually got them at 12ish so I was shattered but in a good way. Lots of girlie shopping and banter - just what I needed. Spent a fortune but hey it was fun. Can't walk in the shoes either but it was great wearing them with my pj's on Saturday night watching the X-Factor.
Anyway, better sign off as I am off to see friends but will try and check in later or tomorrow.
Take care everyone.
Gayle xxxx
Hi, Helen
We call it Alan's special place, if that's any use.
Sue x
Hello everyone. Helen I hope that you manage to get through the funeral and Paul's birthday. It will be very sad and very difficult but I am sure you will do it like the star that you are.
Great idea Sue about 'Alan's special place'.
Gayle lovely to hear from you. Hopefully your connection will be back on soon.
Everyone else I hope you are ok. No time to name everyone but you know I include you all. On my way to work now so probly won't get on again tonight.
Oh and Lynne, i hope you actually made that casserole and ate it. I got off light tonight. Visited my daughter earlier and she sent me home with a 'homemade' fish pie. It was delish.
Love and angel hugs to you all x x Patricia x x
Hi Gayle , the image of you in your Jimmy Choos and PJ's is pure class , you go girl , i hope you get your internet sorted soon , would go mad (madder )without it lol. Helen welcome back , so sorry about the funeral tho , what a downer , hope you and the kids are ok , is it this sunday your burying Pauls ashes ? I've phoned about Gordons headstone today and there is some kind of hold up cos of cyclones in India !! , not sure how all this fits in with the headstone but she she said it probably wouldn't be in for xmas , i was gutted , its been on order for weeks but she more or less said i should have ordered it earlier . I thought i was pretty quick with it but obviously not , oh well i have resigned myself now . I hope Dottee and Alan are ok xx
well Patricia you'd be proud of me , i did the casserole/stew last night and it was cooked for this morning , i put it all in containers and had some for tea , 4 spares ones in the freezer now xx
Me and my sis are taking my Beth and her grand daughter to "princess's on ice "tommorow night . We've had the tickets for months and when i got them out to see what time the doors opens Gordons name was on the tickets , why do these things come and smack you in the face , i'd forgotten he paid for them . I am looking forward to it tho , the girls are so excited and have got there princess dresses ready to go in , no i'm not wearing one , but hey on second thoughts mmmm??? maybe i should lol .
Hope everyone else is doing ok tonight , it was cold on my bench i only managed 10 mins and i wont have time at all tommorow but i know he wont mind xx
Lynne xxxxxx
Hi again
Great pics Sue, it looks special xxx Will have to take some pics of Paul`s when it`s done. Yes Lynne this Sunday we bury his ashes.So sorry to hear your headstone won`t be ready. Cyclones in India, what`s that all about??? Enjoy the show tomorrow xxx Gordon wanted remembering xxxx Laughing at you in a Princess dress, why not!!!
Helen xxx
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