My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Kay and Ginger sending you one of our very special hugs, you aren't alone and we all understand the lonlieness and pain you are feeling right now.  If you feel able to have a read through some of the early pages of this thread and stick wtih us, maybe we can help you through these early days too.  Ginger you aren't over sensitive at all, you are shocked and hurt and grieving and horrible and frustrating as it sounds everything you feel is normal - ha what is normal? I'm sure you are asking, we now all find ourselves facing a new normal where nothing is the same and we just find our way a bit at a time, hour by hour, day by day and eventually week by week.  We are all alone in our own worlds but on here you can find someone to share things with and we are all together in supporting each other, you can rant, rave, say anything you like on here (mind the language though ******** often helps), tears and even laughter can be shared, we understand where often the most well meaning and loving friends and family who haven't been through this just don't "get it"  Hold on tight and take things at your own pace, you will get through this, the hurt doesn't go away but you find you can cope with it and it gets easier to manage as the new normal becomes life from now on.  Lots of love to you both - and of course to all of you here xxxxxxxxxxxx

You're not over sensitive at all ginger1947.  It is such a short time since your husband died.  I am so sorry you have had to find your way onto here but I am glad you have posted.  I still cry myself to sleep very often and my husband Chris died 18 months ago.  In those 18 months I have made friends with some lovely people on here who have each walked a mile in my shoes and each know the 'alone' feeling.  Keep posting and keep reading and hopefully you won't feel quite so alone.  Take care of yourself and try to get some rest.  Lots of ((((((hugs)))))) to you and also to you Kay.  Ailsa xxx 

Thank you for the much needed hugs Rosemary, Ailsa.

Kay

Sounds like most fireworks have finished for tonight.  Patricia I am sure I will enjoy the evening tomorrow.  I only go to organised displays as well.  I'm a bit scared of fireworks up close.  I'm looking forward to the hot dogs and beer tent though.  So sorry to hear that your daughter's friend has just had that diagnosis and I wish her all the very best for a good outcome and the chance to be a mum one day as well.  I'm off to the hairdressers in the morning so should probably go to bed.  Ailsa xxx 

Hello to you all - again.    Flipping heck - I have been trying to pretend to myself that I don't need you all, but really I think that I do.  It is another anniversary today - nineteen weeks  - and it is bonfire night, and it is a Friday.  Do you all find Friday nights hell?  

I have spent a large part of the day wrestling with a 'skeleton gun' in order to put in a tube of gunk with which to mend some leaking joints in the guttering.  Of course, this reduced me to tears.  I have got to the point when I am getting so angry with myself for being so badly equipped.   And, of course, realising more and more how much I depended on my husband to just 'do' this stuff.  So more guilt.  And I have lots of that ... 

Lots of love, 

Grace xx

Hi Grace, oh that 'guilt'. How we have all felt guilt in one form or another. It is such a negative thing but we do it anyway because we can't help it. As for Friday's, for some they are the worst but for me it can be any day. We both worked shifts so weekends were not that prominent in our lives. Each 'first' is a trial in itself and it makes it more evident that we are now without our life partner and often best friend and soul mate. I hope you can soon begin to deal a little better with your new situation.

Ginger and Kay no-one here will think you are being oversensitive. Far from it. I am 20 months along this rocky, roller coaster ride and still cry at the slightest thing. I miss my husband more and more and as time goes on the thought of the possible years of aloneness ahead of me fills me with gloom and foreboding.  I am supposed to be offering support and here I am being negative. Things do improve in some ways though and you will, in time, begin to find a 'new normal' as Rosemary has already said.

Have a good time at the fireworks Ailsa. I will think of you.

I hope all you lovely penguins have as good a day as possible today.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Ginger, I know how you are feeling.  I lost Martin 23rd September after only 5 months from his diagnosis and it feels like we have been cheeted doesn't it. You know that the C word is serious, but you DO expect a little more time than we had don't you.  But it has happened now, and nothing we can do or say will change that.  We have just got to get on with our lives and live for them.

I found this thread a few weeks ago and it has been a life saver for me.  Everyone here has been through the same as you and me and they are so positive.  It does make the pain a little easier.  When I am feeling really low, I log onto this thread and it does help.  The pain will take a long time to ease, but as I have been told many times here, it will ease and you will be able to make another life for yourself.  Not the life you had, that is gone, but hopefully another life that you can live in and remember your good times.  So, it is normal to cry, it is normal to rant and rave and ask why me, what did we do to deserve this.  That is the normal grieving process.  But, Ginger, keep posting and watching this thread and I hope it will help you as it has helped me.

And the motto of these lovely penguins is JUST KEEP SWIMMING.

Love and ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) to you.

Together we might just get through this xxx

Kay,

Glad you have found this thread.  Keep reading and keep posting.  I hope it will help you as it has helped me.

Lots of love and a loada ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Pam x

Grace,

Didn't you do well with the skeleton gun.  I know it is frustrating but did you feel a sense of achievement when you did it.  I had new rads in the hall and lounge, Martin had ordered them but they came after he died, so I have been filling in holes from the old heaters and painting over the top.  Was sad that it was me that had to do things Martin always did, but this is the way we find out that we CAN do these things. And, though I say it myself, I think I made a pretty good job of it.

I hope all you penguins that saw the Fireworks last night had a good time.

I will be going to see some on Sunday, not looking forward to this that much as Martin was always with me before.  But onward and upward as they say.

Have just changed my broadband supplier and there have been some glitches which have caused me a lot of grief.  Do you find that small things set you off now and what you once 'took in your stride' reduces you to a flood of tears and the 'it's not fair' saga. I went to bed late and got up early this morning to work it out, then got onto the provider and they were great, so I think it has all been sorted now, so must get some Karma back.

I have sent off for a Tai Chi DVD and think this might help me.  I need some peace in my life and hope this might do some good.  I am so fed up with feeling angry and upset and knowing I cannot change a thing. I suppose the best way to sum it up is .....where there was colour there is now just grey.........I want some colour back,

Anyway, enough of the dark thoughts. Am now going to make myself a cup of tea. Hope you lovely penguins all have as good a day as you can. 

Lots of love and a bucket load of ((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

Pam xx

Pam - well done for sorting things out with your ISP.........that would totally freak me out - I'm glad my son is at home to deal with those issues.  On a more practical level I've always done bits of DIY so can do odd jobs around the house.....but I play the 'weak and feeble woman' to my hubby - he falls for it every time!!!!  Though now I am having to be more self-reliant as he has mobility problems and much as he would like to do things he finds it difficult!!!

You will find a way to put colour back into your life.....it may be a bit like a flickering light to start with.......odd glimpses here and there........but gradually it will become more settled and even.....

Love and comforting (((hugs))) for you and all that look in here........

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx