My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi All

Finally got a computer that works, I am spending tonight in a motel on my way home with Max the dog.  We will also go to bed early, not wanting to celebrate this year at all.  After tomorrow, we will have gone through the tough weeks and hopefully we can all get into some kind of new normal whatever that will be.  I do find tonight harder but that could be because I was so busy the last couple of weeks with so much family, great to be surrounded by family and will be tough to get home to an empty house.  But I also was looking forward to tonight to be alone with my tears.  Manda, do hope you get through tonight ok, you have had a rough couple of weeks.  Hope everyone gets through the night exactly the way you want to.

take care

Bren

Hi everyone , well i've just got in from my meal out , but i can honestly say i wish i hadn't gone , i broke down several times and i did try to hide it but my daughter noticed , i felt so sorry for her . They have all gone back to hers now and i have assured i'm ok (i wish) i just want it to be jan 3rd and then everything will be out the way and i'll try and get on with whatever i'm supposed to get on with .Hope everybody is ok and not suffering to much .Wise words again Sue xxxx

Big (((HUGS)))) Lynne, xxxx

Thanks Quill  hugs back to everybody too xxxxxxxxxx

Lynne, another couple of days, hun, and things will start to seem a bit brighter.

hang on in there, our lynne - huddle closer.

sue xx

Thanks Sue , i'm hoping there is another side and i can get out of it , just seems like one thing on top of another , but with the help of my lovely friends i'm hanging on . Thank you xxxx

Hi all

Just off to bed but wanted to say hi to all, Lynne darling you managed and are now home. Bren, just you cry into Max, dogs are wonderful for soaking up tears.  Sue, always wise words from you hun.  To everyone else, love and hugs.

Judi xx

Well here it is, 2010. What will it bring? who knows. The only thing I know is that this site has brought me many new friends since I joined last year. Friends whom I value very much. I am very glad to have met you all but wish it could have been in different circumstances.

I saw the dawn of 2010 with a few work colleagues and a glass of non-alcoholic grape juice in my hand. They were very joyous arounbd midnight and became very excited. I just wanted to go off on my own but felt obliged to stay and see Big Ben strike midnight. The world did not come to an end and I did not turn to a pile of dust. I just felt very, very sad. Nothing new there then. But the thought that I would see the next decade without my dearly beloved Ray is just too unbearable. I feel such a fool because I am sitting here crying and just wishing so hard that I had a time machine to take me back to happier times. I know I should look forward and not back and will strive to do that over the next few weeks.  I am not going to read back what I have written so I hope it makes some kind of sense.

Lynne, you know where I am if you want a shoulder x x

I am not going to name everyone but just know that I was thinking of you all last night.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Morning Patricia and all you lovely people on here

We ve done it and here is 2010!!! I had a good night with friends, stayed to see the new year in and raised a glass to all our loved ones. Had a bit of a wobble at midnight as our local is full of Paul`s friends who wanted to comfort me/ remember Paul at midnight. I had lots of hugs  to see me through it and pleased I was there.

Lets think of some things we would like for ourselves this year, not easy I know as the obvious one is no longer there but for them lets wish maybe a bit of happiness and enjoyment for us all one way or another. We deserve it and can try can`t we??

Bug higs everyone.....here`s to 2010 xxxxx

Helen xxx

Hi all , well like Helen says we are here weather we like it or not and in a couple of days i'm going to find my positivity back , i'm sorry i seem to be hogging the middle of the group i will take my turn on the outside i promise i just need to get over the next couple of days . After really struggleing last night i woke up about 4 this morning with my jaw really hurting (no noone had hit me in it ) i'd felt some twinges in the afternoon and my face had swelled a little so i did look like a lop sided chipmunk but i'd taken some painkillers and tried to forget about it , but this morning i realised i'd got a big lump on my gum ,, so i called the nhs helpline hoping to get in to a emergency dentist , well the nurse asked me a few questions and then said unless it was as big as a golf ball she couldn't refer me , so i've got to take pain killers and phone back in the morning , i'm not a happy penguin but at least its taken my mind of other things . Thanks for the sugestions this morning Patricia , how big is a flipping golf ball anyway , it certainly feels as big . The kids are coming down tommorow for my birthday , hopefully i'll be on anti biotics in the morning so this pain will die down and at least enjoy  the day the best i can . xx Hope everybody is having  better time than me , i will come out fighting again soon , promise xxxxxxx