My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone.  Well I'm scaring me now - big shop done, all Christmas pressies bought, finishing cards and wrapping now!!!

Gayle - you are not a fraud or a failure.  You were so brave to try.  I'm so sorry it wasn't for you this time.  Don't feel judged because none of us will be judging you.  Like Helen, I can't wait for our get together in 2010.  By the way - it is even more easy to find fish that look the same than it is to find gerbils that look the same (spoken from experience!!).  Children are simple, trusting creatures!!lol.

I'm glad your night our went so well Helen.

Great to have you back Lynne.  It was so lovely that you made such a friend n Fiona.  What are you like though?  As if I even need to ask!!!  I finally figured out a post on facebook re the sky candles tonight - I hope it is appropriate.

Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Gayle, there nis no reason why anyone on here would judge you. Everyone has their own lives to lead and does things at a different pace. I am just sorry that you do not seem to have enjoyed the evening. You are certainly not a fraud or a failure. Good heavens you have done so much in the last few months that things are bound to catch up with you at some point. I myself find that I am up and down even now so it is no surprise to me that you are too. Please don't be so hard on yourself. x x x big hugs from a penguin angel x x x

Lynne, it could only happen to you. I have been sat here smiling at your post. How lovely that youhave found a new friend too.

Ailsa, well done on your organisation. So sorry that the karioke got the better of you.

Well I went to the singing concert and it was lovely. Unfortunately half way through I kinda lost concentration a nd wanted to go home but felt it would look bad if I just suddenly disappeared so I stayed to the end. I am actually glad I did because it was a good second half.  It is so lonely going out and then coming home to an empty house. Now I know why I like staying home. It is easier to stay in than to come back alone. Daytimes are no problem. Just the nights. How wierd is that. 

Anyway, to everyone who comes in, I hope you have had a good day and will have an even better Sunday.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the kind words and support.  I knew that I could count on you all not to judge.  Whats the saying about walking in someones shoes for a day or something like that!  I "think" I am ready for some company but this guy was too young and of course it was very strange.  Just have to see what the future brings.

Lynne, glad to have you back in one piece and what a lovely thing to meet someone and that you could both support each other.

Take care everyone.

Gayle xx

Hi everyone from the FROZEN north.  I know we haven't had as much snow as 'down south' but I am confident that my snow is a lot colder than theirs!!!  Do you think it is all this talk of penguins!!

Lynne, I have tittered and giggled cos only you could have that happen - although I imagine that your heart was beating a little too fast for while. 

Gayle my darling - as has been so rightly said - penguins never judge.  I honestly feel that if there is one thing Ihave learnt from this experience is to hopefully never be hasty to judge anyone again.  I know that one minute I feelings can be so extreme and full of despair, and yet an hour later I sit there thinking "come on Judes, you dafty, you know you can cope" and I do know that.  So DON'T you darejudge yourselves.  A wiser bunch of ladies and Dave you will never meet - and if we say you are wonderful person then it must be right. 

Well - I have taken delivery of all the items I bought online - failed miserably when I went into town.  One slight hiccup though ........ I ended up buying lots of things that I thought "Oh that is lovely, I'll get a couple of those" without giving much thought to who they would be for.  So now my next problem is to sort out who I am to give these wonders to!!!!!  Do you think it would be too radical to find new frends and family to suit the gifts!!! LOL ... only kidding!  I am sure thatt my mum and dad will love the cute bespectacled furry mole in an arran sweater door stop ....... won't they???

Helen, delighted that you enjoyed your Abba night, and yes we want photos.  Ailsa I can only image how well you did at the Karaoke ........ and American Pie was just for you hun - and of course you were supposed to cry - but you know what.  You picked yourself, up, dusted yourself down and started all over again.  So a pat on the back for you. 

Rosemary, an epic drive from Olympia - I HATE driving in the snow or if there is ice anywhere - so RESPECT to you.  Can't remember who now - but new fish - excellent and well done.  I will confes that when Boy was small we did flush the dead ones down the toilet telling Boy that it sent them to fishy heaven!  But then we also told him that sheep had longer legs on one side so they could stand on a hillside!

Patricia, I am glad that you had a lovely evening with your daughter, and what a lovely sounding meal.  Of course she can cook - you're her mum.  Lynne my darling - well done you.  And how lovely to have met someone that immediately made you feel more at ease because she 'got it'.  See, you were meant to go. 

Dave - if your neices and nephews are anything like mine then you will be their favourite uncle for giving them money.  And Freddie and George will love what you have got them.  Nic is smiling at you hun.   Amanda, I see that your holiday has been postponed for now, and having seen the weather in Paris on the news, I think you will find that Miles may well have had a hand in that too!!!  When you get there Mickey and Minney will have taken off their thermals and it will be much better.

Lesley, how long to go now before you can compete with Fiona in the newest glamorous granny stakes?

Dot - hope that you didn't overdo the exercise (if I remember rightly you said that you did them on the floor!) and that Alan is having a few more good days.  Sue - have you got a wheelbarrow to take your DVDs on Monday.  They are going to be so grateful and what a difference it will make to future patients.

I am sure that I have forgotten loads of peoples posts, sorry.  Love to you all, am going to put on my boots, scarf, gloves, waistcoat, jacket and go round the block with the dogs, it takes longer to get ready than the walk!

Love to all  - Judi xxxxx

Dear Judes,

How impressed  am i with your post! You've been at the notebook and pen, methinks!

The doorstop sounds great - I'll have it if it's not right for your in-laws.

Ailsa, you've shamed me - tomorrow is wrapping day. however, i don't even have the tree up yet - nor any other decorations; but then i have to clean the house before all that palaver starts, so maybe i'll just go to church in the morning, then take the hounds for a long walk.......................................maybe.

gayle, if there is one thing I've learnt over the past few months it's this - if something feels right for you, do it - if it doesn't, then don't , and what other people think is of no importance whatsoever. Life is too short; grab what you can when you can, and no-one on here will do anything other than support you wholeheartedly.      Penguins rule!

Been to a 40th birthday do tonight; the first person i met said "have you got Alan with you?"  Poor lady was beside herself when i told her and, as ever, i ended up comforting her. Sound familiar, anyone?

ailsa and rosemary, thanks for the comments on fb about the sky candles; the idea has really taken off, which makes me so happy.  Whereabouts in Cornwall are you going? i was born and brought up down there, so know the area pretty well.  My mother, aunties and my sister and her family still live  there.

Sue xx

You know what Sue, I didn't have a notebook with me tonight!!!!  And bizarrely I seemed to just remember stuff - I will bet you thought half the names are mixed up.  I think it must have happened cos today I have not really moved off the settee - so my one little brain cell has been snoozing all day, just occasionally waking up and stretching, looking around and deciding "no, I don't think Judes needs me just now, I will snooze again!" and snuggled back down in it's comfy brainbed for another few hours, then when I came upstairs to the computer and logged on, it thought "oh alright then, I don't suppose she has been too demanding today" and kicked into action.  LOL. 

Sue, good for you going to the 40th, and for comforting the other guest.  I imagine it must be horrible for people when that happens to them, so they were lucky that you were there to comfort them ........ as you say ......... quite weird how the world sometimes works!

When I was young we used to go to Cornwall on holiday.  I LOVE the Minack Theatre and will never forget seeing Camelot there one summer's evening with the sea as the backdrop. Amazing.

Judi xx

I meant to say .... I will bet you THOUGH half the names are mixed up ... oops J x

Hi Everyone,  Sorry i have been missing in the last week, a hard week to get through but i think the lead up to the anniversary is a lot worse than the day although Charlie made it easier i think. We released some Ballons in memory of Derek from Charlie then we just spent the day together. I have had Kim and Charlie to stay for the week till they got new heating in o i forgot how much time a baby takes up but worth every minute, and also Darren moved back in till he goes to Aus in Jan i dread the day coming but happy for him as he is so looking forward to go mind you can't blame him wanting to get away from this weather it's freezing here tonight pavements very slippy. Not got my shopping finished yet and no tree up but maybe tomorrow. Hope you are all doing ok will read all the post tomorrow and catch up. Think i am going to have the cold my throat very sore tonight. Well i am off to bed and will have to remember Darren will be coming in from his works night out . Speak soon i have missed posting but back to normal now. Fiona xxxxxxx

Morning All

Well I have actually woken up to snow this morning - not a lot, just white over, but it looks pretty...

We've all been a bit hit and miss with our posts, seems like Xmas is causing us all a few issues. It seems that sometimes the run up to the 'big days' is worse than actually getting through the day itself so I hope that's the case this time. I have been reading everyone's news even though, and have been enjoying our penguin huddles! It was a bit of a blow having to cancel our trip to Disney, we had spent the last week building oursleves up to it. We were actually on the plane waiting to take off when we got the news that the flights into Paris were cancelled. Got a refund off easyjet and thought we would have to claim on our insurance for the hotel costs, but Disney offered to let us swap our dates at no charge, so we are booked up for the new year now. Might be in need of a few days away from everything by then so maybe it was for the best!

Nearly finished the xmas shopping and have written family cards, not bothering with anyone else this year though - I'm sure they will understand... Have got various family members sending sky candles up with us at 7pm on Xmas day, everyone thinks it is a lovely idea! Dreading everything else about the day, but at least we have that to look forward to.

Not going to try and respond to everyone, so will just say I hope you are all getting through OK and that we all manage to find a little peace in the coming days. Love to all, Manda xx

Hi everyone.  I hope you are all snuggled up in the warm.  We hadn't had a lot of snow until today.  It has definately made up for it - good thing I swopped my plans round or I would have been very fed up today.  There was a gap in the snow storms about an hour ago so I risk going to the cemmy.  I bought some glittery gypsum yesterday and I would have been disappointed not to get through to put it in the vases - job done so I can relax a little.  I really hope it rains soon and washes all the snow away.  It looks lovely but I still have to go to work for another 3 days and I worry about driving in the ice.  Snow I can do but if it freezes tonight that is another challenge all together!!

I will just make one thing clear - I might have been at a karaoke on Friday but I didn't sing.  For that Wakefield should be truly grateful lol!  Two things I don't do even when I have had a drink - one is fall down and the other is sing!  Chris took the micky out of me for my singing at our wedding so I never did it again except when I am in my van, on my own.

I'm glad you enjoyed the 40th birthday Sue - it sounds like you handled the question about Alan very well.  It hasn't happened to me for a while but I felt very sorry for that last person who did it.  She couldn't stop apologizing.

Manda, I am glad your holiday has been re-booked.  You really weren't meant to go when the weather was so bad.

Fiona I am glad you were able to let off balloons at the weekend.  It shouldn't be too long before Lesley joins you as a Grandma now.

I have been on my own all of this weekend.  I have done lots of jobs but have been very very lonely as well.  I noticed this morning that for the first time since I had a mobile phone no-one has phoned me since Thursday.  Makes me feel very sad and miss Chris more than ever.

Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx